Driftwood

Blog moved...

2010-02-24T15:13:00.003Z

As I've recently been getting back into blogging, and a new friend introduced me to posterous, I've decided to try a different blog platform so from now on my blog will be found here.

(For the kind people who have subscribed to my blogger account, its possible to subscribe again over there.)

See you on the other side....

My relationship with the bible pt 1

2010-02-14T17:57:00.001Z

I am currently auditing a module on biblical exegesis (while I do an independent learning module on Church planting and mission on contemporary culture along side it).

When we began this academic year I realised I was quite confused about the bible - having been a good (rather fundamentalist in my youth!) evangelical I had a clear set of beliefs about what the bible is and what it is for. As time has gone by and my faith has had to (hopefully) mature through some challenging interactions and cultural experiences, I have come to see many of those beliefs as leading to 'dead-ends' that don't lead to the Kingdom of God, I've begun to doubt those premises.

So as I approached this year of doctrine and bible studies, I wanted to get down on paper what I did believe about the bible, in order to see if that changed over the course of this year. This is what I wrote:

The Bible is:
• a collection of writings about God's action in the world.
• written by humans (men), inspired in their work of composing, compiling and editing by God's Spirit interacting with them.
• God speaking to us through these human writers - through the lenses of time, context, culture and human understanding.
• not complete, in the sense that it does not say everything there is to say about everything.
• enough to reveal a coherent picture of God's nature that orientates us to God's truth.
• essential as the anchor to God's truth.

I'll say more about this over the next few weeks (well, based on my track record of blogging it'll probably be more like months!) but I'd be interested in your thoughts in the meantime...

Albert Munday and grief

2010-02-12T17:06:00.001Z

My grandad died last week. He had had Dementia for about 15 years, and the last few years he has been excellently cared for by New Close Care Home in Kent. Unfortunately my mum and my uncle weren't able to be with him as he passed away, but I feel quite sure he was well looked after so I don't worry about that - I believe he knew in his heart that he was loved.

My grandad spent a lot of time with us when I was growing up -he taught me to rollerskate, took me to the beach, the funfair, helped me choreograph dance routines...

When my mum and uncle and aunt were sorting through his belongings over the weekend, the photos of him were all with children, us grandchildren and assorted friends...

He befriended all my friends, and all my cousins' friends, to the point that some of them were still in touch with them after I'd lost touch.

He also taught me to read the bible, reading to me from his black leather KJV, when I crept into his room in the mornings when he stayed with us. I'm convinced that my own faith journey has taken me here because of his influence.

I had naievly thought I had done all my grieving for him, as he has been unable to speak or feed himself for a long time. I felt terrible when I caught myself wishing he would die so he could be free - I just wanted him to be able to go to his home in heaven. I hated the idea that he was suffering when he had pressure sores or a chest infection, the physical pain made worse by no longer having the faculties to understand why he was in pain. I thought his death would be a relief for him and for us.

A good friend who lost her mum to Alzheimers warned me that she'd felt the same way until the day actually came, and then she realised that no matter how much we long for the end of their suffering, when death steals them away it's still an heart-breaking wrench.

Now I know she was entirely right, as I miss Grandad more than I could have imagined, especially since the Grandad I miss is one who was stolen by the dementia a long time ago.

My grief feels like the my chest and stomach are swollen to twice their size, leaving no room to breath and no strength to think straight. It leaves me for an hour at a time so I can almost forget, and then it returns with a vengeance and I dissolve once more into tears.

It will pass; the funeral service will help as we gather together to comfort each other. I will feel something of the peace I know he now has, and I will be glad he is now free.

I just have to bear this time and be willing to feel it and let it go. If you're the praying kind, I'd appreciate your prayers...

Tax breaks to support marriage

2010-01-20T15:02:00.003Z

As followers of my twitter feed will know, earlier on today I became rather animated about the issue of tax breaks for married couples which has reared its head today - see here for the bbc's coverage of today's discussion between Ed Balls and David Willetts.

My objections to this policy are theoretical, political and theological. I'll start with the theory:

For me the main problem is about how you use statistics to prove cause and effect - I once heard Oprah Winfrey quote a stat that said that people who floss were a certain % less likely to have a heart condition, which was the reason she started flossing. Surely its obvious that flossing has absolutely no benefit to your heart; the fact that people who floss have less heart disease is because they're the type of people who look after themselves well, and so will almost certainly be doing exercise, eating fruit etc. The flossing is a symptom of their attitudes and values, just as the exercise and healthy diet are symptoms of the same thing. They do the things they do because of their values, and so the true statistic is that people who take care of themselves generally have less heart disease.

In the same way, I have always found the central tenant of the argument to incentivise marriage unconvincing: children do better when they have married parents. This statement may be true, but just as with the flossing and heart disease statistic, they are not cause and effect. Ed Balls sums it up well:

The evidence shows that if you are married, children do better, although once you adjust for the fact that people who are married tend to marry older, be better educated and have higher incomes, once you adjust for these things, you find that it is not the legal form, it is the strength and stability of the relationship which is the most important thing" (italics mine)

In my view the fact that their children do well is more likely to be because the parents engage in their children's lives emotionally and in their education because they themselves benefited from a good education, they have the emotional and financial wherewithal seek out alternatives when schools and other support services are of a poor standard and have the maturity to seek support for their own relationship.

So here is my political objection: If you follow this line of argument its absolutely bonkers to financially incentivise marriage - those that are married are likely to already be in a far better financial position than those who aren't.

And even if the money did encourage people who weren't planning to get married to marry, it wouldn't make a jot of difference to whether their relationship was stable - its the quality of the relationship and the commitment to making it work that does that, not a ceremony and a big dress and £40 a month.

So politically, this is directing funds away from children who need it (ie those from broken or unstable homes who's parents are less mature, poorly-educated and are struggling financially) to the pockets of those who have enough already. I don't think that's (a) fair or (b) likely to build a better, more just society.

My final objections are theological: our understanding of what constitutes marriage is a very western notion that originates from the 18th century, and thus impose a whole set of assumptions and cultural norms onto people that have little of use to add to the biblical standards of love, service, mutual-submission, loyalty, and commitment.

Relationships that have these values at their core will be a wonderful environments not only for children to grow and flourish but also for society to be healed and nourished. Committing before our Triune God to follow God's lead in living out these values with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength is the best way to hope to fulfil our dreams of successful family living. The church needs to be praying and loving and serving people in order to support them in living out all their relationships in this way, and especially their relationship with their partner if they have one.

This is what will change society, not a £10 a week tax break....

Dallas Willard articles

2010-01-04T21:03:00.002Z

Just a quick link to a list of Dallas Willard's articles that can be accessed online - for example, I've just read Discipleship and found it to be an excellent summary of evangelicalism's attitude to the subject and the subsequent disillusionment and seeking for another way for spiritual formation.

Worth checking them out.

Remembrance of life lived well

2010-01-03T16:36:00.001Z

One of our church family, Rosemary, passed away unexpectedly just after Christmas, so this morning's service was a remembrance of her life with us, our memories of her and it was wonderful to hear about a life well lived in all it's details:

Rosemary looked after the hall and was a force to be reckoned with if you left it in a mess - it came from her love of the hall as an expression of her love for the community. She cared that the space was well looked-after because it meant that it could then be welcoming.

Everyone from her yoga teacher, the vicar, the meditation group, our alt-worship community, the lunchclub she'd helped run for 20years - everyone remarked on her commitment and faithfulness. She never missed a week, regardless of the weather. In fact she was usually the one clearing the snow on the paths. Her neighbours voted her the best neighbour in the world last year, because she was always there for everyone.

So many people remembered her encouraging words to them, on the service they'd led, the sermon they'd preached or the project they were starting. Those small words of kindness and encouragement meant so much to us, and it served to remind me that living out Grace and Peace can be most effectively done by being faithful and paying attention: to the small details, to the individual, to the efforts and offerings of those around us.

We will sorely miss her efficiency and commitment to keeping our church running smoothly, but more than that we will miss her thoughtfulness and self-giving, her kindness and above all her example of how to live for God, faithfully and in detail. I'm glad we know she is resting in God's Peace.

Who you see when you read

2010-01-01T14:01:00.001Z

On New Year's Day my mind automatically turns to 'Bond, James Bond.' Actually I have not checked whether there is one showing today, but there usually is and it's engrained in my psyche!

I've just finished reading the Sebastian Faulk's Bond book "Devil May Care" - it's the first one I've ever read, so I have no idea how it compares with Fleming but I've enjoyed it in a light-reading kind of way.

Ive always loved the films ever since I was old enough to watch them. I used to think Sean Connery was the best, until I rewatched a few and realised he always hits a woman in one of the scenes, which annoyed me so now I'm not so keen. I adored Pierce Brosnan and was gutted when he was dropped, but Daniel Craig has completely won me over ;)

However, when reading the book I realised that I was picturing Brosnan not Craig in the role, which got me thinking: it's difficult to change how we encounter a character when we've had it drummed into us that he is a particular way.

So when we've heard sermon after sermon and read book after book that depict Jesus in a particular light, it's difficult to step back from the character and allow him to be more multi-faceted or different or gentler or kinder or more challenging... Whatever picture we've got used to needs to change in order to keep encountering him in all truth.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

New Year

2009-12-31T16:42:00.001Z

I fear I may be becoming old and grumpy, as at the end of this year, indeed this decade, I couldn't feel less excited. Discussion about what the next decade should be called leaves me cold, I just got confused when all the shops were closed when I needed something, I forgot to wish anyone 'Happy New Year'...!

That's not to say I'm not looking forward to 2010: I'll continue my studies, the kids will continue to grow and develop and bring us joy, we'll go to the States to see our family and I'll get to do my placement with the House for All Sinners and Saints while we're there, P will have new challenges at work to keep him happy, both the children will start new schools in Sept, I'll begin the process of working out what my first post will be after I'm ordained...

So I am excited at the prospects that the New Year holds, it's just that tonight doesn't hold the key to those excitements and challenges and opportunities.

At the risk of sounding like I've got everything together (which I certainly haven't) I feel like I face each day, or at least each week or month, with some sense of what it brings - each month seems pregnant with opportunity. It may be because I have deadlines and a lot of structure in my life at the moment (with residentials and placements set in place throughout the year), I feel it's easy to see opportunities.

Perhaps the harder thing is to keep the sense that each moment is pregnant with possibilities - encountering God, transcending the ordinary, seeing the kingdom break loose in our world of hurt, appreciating great beauty...

I'm one for getting bogged down in the drudgery of everyday life with small children, so I think my resolution for 2010 needs to be celebrating Grace and Peace in amongst the everyday.

I was really taken with this prayer that I read on the feig blog and so it's my prayer as I enter the New Year;

For all that has been, thanks!
For all that will be, yes!

May you know Grace and Peace in 2010 and celebrate it with every breath - happy New Year!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Regular prayer: Evening

2009-12-11T10:00:00.000Z

Here is the last of my regular prayers throughout the day, this one for when I'm loading the dishwasher after the evening meal (although I have to say this job doesn't always fall to me as many of you will know I'm not a Domestic Goddess!):

Lord, you have given each tool and implement a purpose
- may I remember mine.
Lord you have made things beautiful as well as useful
- may I treasure beauty wherever I find it.
Lord you clean and restore, repair and re-use
May I follow your lead.
Amen.

Regular prayer: Afternoon

2009-12-10T10:00:00.000Z

As I try and punctuate my day with regular prayer, here is my prayer that I wrote for when I'm getting the kids a snack in the afternoon after they get home from school:

Praise you God for food for our health and energy
- may we live for you.
Praise you God for variety, harmony and balance
- may we make wise choices.
Praise you God for abundance
- may we not waste your gifts.
Amen

Regular prayer: Morning

2009-12-09T12:02:00.003Z

With a busy family life and small children, I've found it really difficult to fit in a regular prayer routine. As an Ordinand in the CofE I'm supposed to pray 'Morning Prayer' every day, but its intended to be done in a group and if I'm honest I find it turgid when I try and do it on my own!

I use the Celtic Wheel of the Year by Tess Ward for my morning and evening prayers (well mostly, sometimes I'm not that disciplined!) but I also love the idea of prayer punctuating the day as it does it monastic living.

So I thought about what happens in my life every single (week)day, and built a routine around that. I wrote prayers for each of those moments, and thought I'd share them with you over the next few days.

Here's the prayer for when I get home from doing the school run in the morning:

May the Creator God make me productive today.
May Christ's living be my light.
May Christ's dying be my safety net.
May Christ's rising be my power.
Spirit, fill me and move me on!
Amen.

Blessed Virgin Mary

2009-12-08T14:11:00.002Z

I'm struggling to believe it was a year ago today I was in Coventry Cathedral for the Fresh Expressions event - I blogged about it at the time and it marked the start of my journey into a much more sacramental experience of my faith.

This year we are currently putting together an Ambient Wonder event around the theme of the Annunciation (the Angel Gabriel's announcement to Mary that she was going to bear God's Son), so Mary is very much in my thoughts. We are exploring the idea that we are all in a way God-bearers as He dwells within us, and we are to follow Mary's example to say yes to His presence.

I came across this ebook about the Magnificat which is wonderful so I wanted to point people to it - perhaps today can be a time of reflecting on who Mary is for you.

what we believe doesn't change us

2009-11-17T11:50:00.002Z

Yesterday I was discussing life and the universe with some friends and one of them jokingly said "I'd hoped I'd be a nicer person by now!" and I retorted "I'd hoped I'd be skinnier by now!"

We know that I'm not going to get skinnier or fitter until I eat less and exercise more, regardless of what I'm hoping. Yet somehow we don't seem to apply the same logic to our spiritual health and fitness - we assume that holding a set of beliefs and mentally assenting to some propositions is going to change us. We're changed by doing stuff - spiritual disciplines and practices, like meditation, may not sound attractive to us (in the same way that the idea of a circuit training session fills me with utter dread) but it is the reality of how change happens.

Now its just doing it...!

Trinity: ultimate basis for reality

2009-11-13T10:51:00.003Z

“Christian understanding integrates distinctions in God without thereby multiplying God... This profession of faith is laden with consequences for humankind and society, since it supposes that the ultimate basis for reality is not to be found in the solitude of One but in the co-existence and communion of Three.” Leonardo Boff, Trinity and Society p139

This quote really impacted on me - our faith in the Triune God is laden with consequences for humankind and society. And yet most Christians don't even bother to try and understand this shape of God, let alone let it have any impact in their living and relationships. In fact Karl Rahner said that if the doctrine of the Trinity was suddenly found to be false, this change in theology would leave the majority of Christian thought and practice completely unchanged. Fr Richard Rohr points out that if Rahner is right, then we must be doing something wrong: the shape of God is either being misunderstood or entirely ignored, and that has to be a bad state of affairs!

The nature of the Trinity has implications for humankind and society because its about how to relate to one another and how to transcend our earthly selfishcentredness. I feel strongly that we need to get to grips with this if we want to show the world that the Kingdom of God is good news...

The life of Jesus is the greatest work of the Holy Spirit

2009-11-12T10:00:00.001Z

I am studying the Trinity at the moment, writing a 3-part course that I could present in my church context, and then writing a reflection on what I have chosen to include and why.

I've been really moved by some of what I've read in Ian Mobsby's book 'The Becoming of G-d: What the Trinitarian nature of God has to do with a deep Spirituality for the Twenty First Century'.

He speaks of how the Eastern Church has a more balanced understanding of the person of the Holy Spirit, comparing it to our Western model that thinks mostly of the Father and Son, with the Spirit being “the faceless power of God”. His discomfort with much charismatic Christianity reflects my own, where too often the touch of the Spirit is emphasised as something sent from God rather than God himself.

The Eastern church sees the Holy Spirit as being not 'the Spirit of Jesus' but instead sees Christ as 'the Christ of the Holy Spirit' - "the life of Jesus Christ is seen as the greatest work of the Holy Spirit: Christ is incarnate by the Spirit, commissioned at his baptism by the Spirit, driven into the wilderness by the Spirit, empowered in his mighty works by the Spirit and raised from death by the Spirit” (Mobsby p42, citing other authors)

With this in mind the gospels, in particular Luke, have suddenly made far more sense to me, and have led me to celebrate the Holy Spirit in my prayer life. I no longer have to choose between the false dichotomy of either invoking the “dynamo” of God or focussing on God the Creator or Redeemer, and I've been swept up again into the graceful movement of God the Spirit.

Fireworks – over too quickly?

2009-11-11T15:45:00.000Z

In my previous post I said I've reimagined Jesus, the Light of the World as a firework - disruptive, thrilling, attention-grabbing, unpredictable, beautiful, transfixing...

But isn't there a danger in that? Fireworks are over in an instant and have little lasting effect. Or do they?

I spoke of being totally present to the sensations around me as I watched the display on Saturday, and that experience has had an effect on me. I feel connected to the present in a way that I haven't for a long time, and the only thing that has come close to doing that for me in the past has been when I've practised Centring Prayer (a form of meditation) or while I've been praying.

Jesus' 33 years (or so) on the earth really was no time at all in the grand scheme of eternity, yet his incarnation, ministry, death and resurrection rent the heavens and changed reality in a way that could be described as explosive. Nothing has been the same since...

My favourite fireworks were the ones that screamed up high into the sky, paused for a moment then exploded with a bang into a shower of falling stars. But that wasn't the end, because each of those falling stars then crackled into a shower of smaller lights, beautiful because of the patterns they made together. My daughter described them as looking like flowers opening.

Without wishing to descend into cliché, it struck me that we are meant to be fireworks too – revealing beauty and light that comes from the first revelation, the bang of the Christ event. Our small time of shining is only effective when we create patterns of growth and community...

Fireworks – the Light of the World

2009-11-10T12:59:00.000Z

I found myself transfixed by the loveliness of the fireworks display we went to see on Saturday night – part of my enjoyment came from good memories of watching firework displays as a child, and it was wonderful to be building into our family life the rituals associated with Bonfire night – bangers and mash, wearing practically every layer of clothing you own to go out into the cold, dark night and stand in front of an enormous blazing fire and then craning your head back to look up as the bangs, whistles, crackles and screams of the fireworks precede the explosions of colour and light against the blue black sky.

So part of it is childhood memories, but I think there is something intrinsically childlike about enjoying them as a thrilling, sensational experience. At a public display there's none of the danger I've felt at displays in someone's garden, so the sensations are not tainted by fear and thus quite pure. Beauty and excitement and loudness and cold are all present at the same time, and I stood in that moment really experiencing all of them.

We are so used to thinking of Jesus, the Light of the World, as a tame candle (sometimes sputtering and refusing to light, sometimes spilling hot wax on unsuspecting hands but mostly burning serenely and prettily on the side). Since Saturday night I've been thinking of Him as a firework – disruptive, thrilling, attention-grabbing, unpredictable, beautiful, transfixing...

Your life is hidden with Christ in God

2009-11-07T10:22:00.000Z

'Your life is hidden with Christ in God' (Colossians 3:3)

"When my mind attempts to grasp this truth it loses grip, and I can only hold it in my hand like a living bird. It will perish if I clench my fist over it. If I am still and allow it to rest on my palm, I feel its quiver of life and the pulse of its rapid heartbeat. Not only has the Holy Spirit imparted to my inner soul some of the life of Jesus Christ, that same Spirit has taken a part of my soul and imparted it into the life of God - I am hidden with Christ in God! I find it difficult to believe, but I know it to be true..."

Ray S Anderson - An Emergent Theology for Emerging Leaders

don't sweat the small stuff...

2009-11-06T09:24:00.002Z

Reading Romans ch14 yesterday, I was really struck by just how much time Paul spends telling us not to sweat the small stuff - like what we eat, whether we use candles /incense, maybe what sex the priest is - because relationships between us are more important than anything else. Who are we to criticise people? Who are we to condemn someone from thinking a different way to us?

I loved 14:7 - "For we don’t live for ourselves or die for ourselves." Who made us the centre of the universe, that it matters so much what we think?! Who are we to be so precious about stuff when the real whole-of-life issue is loving each other - with the self-giving, pouring out of ourselves so we are truly modeled on God the Trinity.

This section really struck me:

"Don’t let your [particular choices] ruin someone for whom Christ died. ¹⁶ Then you will not be criticized for doing something you believe is good. ¹⁷ For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. ¹⁸ If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. ¹⁹ So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up."

How we worship, who our priest is, whether someone behaves in a way we don't agree with - these things are not worth ruining people's lives over. Strong stuff.

Listen up, Saints and Sinners! (and yes I do mean you Anglicans on the back row too)

Sacraments - a sign of grace already received or conveying grace?

2009-11-05T12:43:00.002Z

Last night we were studying the Medieval church before the reformation, and in a throw-away comment our tutor mentioned that those with a high-church/Catholic theology would see the sacraments as conveying grace - therefore receiving the mass provides a little more grace for the faith journey. Those with a more protestant/low-church theology would see the sacraments as a sign of grace that is already there - therefore receiving communion is a way to be present to God in a significant way but simply confirms that the grace has already been given.

I found this a helpful way of understanding why my high-church friends feel the need to receive communion, and it also explains why I consider attendance at church neither here nor there - God has already provided all I need, the sacrament is a means of God gently and beautifully nudging me towards a closer sense of God's grace.

I'm on a journey towards a more sacramental Christian life, but I wonder if it will always feel to me as I've described, or whether I will experience more grace conveyed to me in that sacred space?

New start

2009-11-04T11:35:00.003Z

I feel the need to blog again but am aware that I got really dragged down by my perceived need to post and it got into a bit of a vicious circle - too long since the last post so too much explaining/catching up to do so too much time needed to blog so didn't post!

Have decided to make a fresh start and so want to be clear about what I'll blog about here - it'll mainly be my reflections on theology as that's what takes up most of my time and most of my thinking, so that's what I'd like to unpack / explore through blogging. So if theology isn't your bag then it might not be of interest to you, in which case - thanks for following me up til now and all the best!

I'll also be trying to post on Ambient Wonder's blog, and that will be stuff related to alternative worship and being a christian community in Norwich.

If you want to keep up with my random life and thoughts then you can follow me on twitter - find me @revheath.

So I look forward to sharing my thoughts but I warn you - they might be short as I'm always struggling to find enought time!

Einstein's most important question

2009-06-23T09:24:00.000Z

In the Developing Consciousness course the story is told of Albert Einstein being asked what he thought the most important question about life, the universe and everything was. He is reported to have replied:

"Is the universe a friendly place or not?"

I like the simplicity of his wondering - when a person understands the way the universe works to the extent that Einstein did, it is interesting that he is still driven by the same gut-instincts as us to discern the core 'personality' of this space we are in.

The Kingdom

2009-05-06T13:22:00.006Z

Its a long way off but inside it

There are quite different things going on:
Festivals at which the poor man
Is king and consumptive is
Healed; mirrors in which the blind look
At themselves and love looks at them
Back; and industry is for mending
The bent bones and the minds fractured
By life. Its a long way off, but to get
There takes no time and admission
Is free, if you will purge yourself
Of desire, and present yourself with
Your need only and the simple offering
Of your faith, green as a leaf.

RS Thomas, 'The Kingdom'

a quote offering....

2009-05-06T13:08:00.003Z

I cannot begin to say how much I wish I had more time to blog all the many many things that have caught my imagination, made me angry, got me thinking and made me laugh over the past few months - I'm afraid all I can do is check in every now and then to post something so that one day, I might be able to pick up the threads of this blog and make it a more than it currently is...

In the meantime, a quote from Henri Nouwen that spoke to me today amidst my reading for my Christian Leadership assignment:

Knowing God's heart means consistently, radically and very concretely to announce and reveal that God is love and only love, and that every time fear, isolation, or despair begin to invade the human soul this is not something that comes from God. This sounds very simple, and maybe even trite, but very few people know that they are loved without any conditions or limits.

From 'In the Name of Jesus - Reflections on Christian Leadership'

With God it is good to be a woman....

2008-12-10T22:04:00.001Z

Magnificat, by Phoebe Willetts

My heart is bubbling over with joy;
with God it is good to be a woman.
From now on let all peoples proclaim:
it is a wonderful gift to be.
The one in whom power truly rests
has lifted us up to praise;
God's goodness shall fall like a shower
on the trusting of every age.
The disregarded have been raised up:
the pompous and powerful shall fall.
God has feasted the empty-bellied,
and the rich discover their void.
God has made good the word given at the dawn of time.

Cos we're all in need of Blessing

2008-12-10T08:00:00.000Z

The Blessing by Gerard Kelly

May you who are restless

Find rest

And in rest, restoration

And the healing

Of your hollow soul

May peace be yours

May you who are frozen

Find freedom

And in freedom the faith

To face the fire

And the thawing

Of your ice-gripped heart

May peace be yours

May you who are conflicted

Find convergence

And in convergence

Confidence

To be the one new child

Of your old divided self

May peace be yours

May you who live in tension

Find tenderness

And in tenderness the tendency

To kindness

And the creativity

Of a caring character

May peace be yours

And you who are Godless

May you find God

And in God,

The grace and growth you need

For fruit and fullness

And the love that will last you

Through the long-haul

Of a lived-for-others life

May peace be yours

God in incense and amazing space

2008-12-09T09:14:00.004Z

Yesterday I went to Coventry Cathedral for the Fresh Expressions' Pilgrimage Day, for exploring what emerging church and fresh expressions can grow from the Anglo-Catholic traditions within the CofE. It was an amazing experience.

The picture above is the best I could find to give you a sense of the interior of the cathedral, although it doesn't really give you any sense of how it was set out and used for the event yesterday. Its an amazing space and the organisers had created a worship area in the round (in the space just beyond the gaggle of tourists in this photo) with 2 or 3 screens along both sides and a large screen separating the choir stalls (and therefore the high altar) from the body of the church. This meant that when you were taking part in the Eucharist worship, watching images, bible verses and prayers projected onto the screens, you felt enclosed with all the space above you. Sue Wallace of Transcendence in York was among the people putting the Eucharist service together and they did a wonderful job.

The whole space, and I mean literally the whole cathedral, was filled with incense. (They had the equivalent of a nightclub smoke machine as well as many bowls of incense in the middle of the worship area). Incense is used to symbolise the rising of prayers to heaven, but for me yesterday the sensation of being so enveloped in the clouds of scent and smoke was very similar to times I've had when I've been filled with the Holy Spirit - it was truly a place of connection with God, through a style of worship completely unfamiliar to me up until a few months ago.

Along the sides of the cathedral there were stations for creative meditation and prayer. Moot, MayBe, Visions, Feig and Contemplative Fire were some of the contributors and I was really blessed (literally!) by the MayBe station in particular.

I know that the things I thought about and reflected on will need to filter through my mind for a while, so more at a later stage maybe. But in the meantime, what a great experience.

Advent

2008-12-03T15:19:00.001Z

Paul has started daily posts again - a form of advent calendar but with less calories! Check it out!

Paul Roberts has a video of Rowan Williams reflecting on Advent that is worth a look too...

99 balloons

2008-11-26T14:57:00.002Z

I came across this video while I was researching my next assignment on dealing with death and dying. I don't need to say much, just watch it and be thankful that there are people like Elliot's mum and dad in the world.

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised." Job 1:21.

Bits and bobs

2008-11-18T10:22:00.003Z

Sorry for the long gap between posts, I've experienced much inspiration but no time to write!

Here a few things I've thought about this month:

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek" - Barack Obama

redaction criticism

If someone had written the script of the last race of F1 season this year, it would have been thrown out as ridiculously unbelievable! Life is so cool sometimes, well done Lewis!

Anyone for Greenbelt next year? There's a ticket deadline at the end of the month to get the cheapest ticket prices...

What does it mean to be Anglican????

And finally:

"You are invited to take part in the Spiritual Health Check by completing this online survey here. A number of countries across the world are working together to provide an international profile of spiritual health today. Spiritual health is concerned with the well-being of the whole person. You don't need to be religious to enjoy good spiritual health. The survey is open to everybody, but is especially interested in people between the ages of 12 and 25. This is a serious academic research project, aiming to understand more about the world today. It is about spiritual health generally, not just religion in a narrow sense. The researchers are looking for thousands of responses worldwide to generate a meaningful understanding of what is happening to spirituality, religion and belief in this world of ours."(copied from Greenbelt dispatches)

Another challenge to our comfortable complacency...

2008-10-09T10:54:00.004Z

Having heard this interview on Woman's Hour this morning I pray:

Eternal Trinity of Love, Justice and Peace,
thank you for granting me freedom, education and respect as a woman in the society I live in. Thank you that I am safe and have my rights as a human being protected.

Grant courage and protection to Malalai Joya and the others in Afghanistan who are speaking out to demand rights for women and protection for all their citizens.
Bring peace to their hearts and enfold them in your love as their bellies flame with the fire of seeking your justice.

Challenge us to move out of our complacency and speak and act for the rights of your beloved people.
Your Kingdom come, on earth as it is in Wild Heaven.
Amen

A new take on the Screwtape Letters

2008-10-09T10:33:00.002Z

Tom Chapman is a thoroughly great guy who's authenticity and faith as he battles with a brain tumour is providing me with great inspiration. He has started writing for the Network Norwich site and his latest is describing the qualities of love through the eyes of a junior demon, ala CS Lewis. Worth a look...

School of Life

2008-10-07T19:41:00.002Z

Is School of Life the secular version of emerging church?? Came across it through Jonny Baker's blog - haven't had much of a look around the website yet but it seems a revamping of the "self-help" scene with a few less essential oils and beanbags; isn't this just church revamping itself around cafe tables instead of pews?? I'm sure it'll be effective, not sure its very radical though...

Please, no....

2008-10-05T19:50:00.003Z

Watching Norwich City

2008-09-15T12:49:00.002Z

As season ticket holders at Carrow Road for the past six years, Paul and I have known the agony and ectstasy of supporting the Canaries - missing out in the play-off final at Cardiff in 2002, promotion to the premiership then relegation within 12 months in 2004-5, narrowly avoiding relegation to the 1st division last season...

Last season paying for a season ticket was daylight robbery - they should have paid us to watch the drivel we had to put up with. This season didn't seem too promising at the start either, but the first game I actually got to see live they were brilliant and actually deserved to beat Birmingham instead of drawing one all (although if you'd asked me at the start I'd have taken a draw so can't complain!)

Anyway, all this is a preamble to whet your appetites: we can often not get a babysitter for the games so often only one of us can go, meaning we have a spare ticket that we sell at cost price to any friends who'd like to get to a game. So if you're in the Norwich area and would like to know if there's a ticket going spare, let me know in the comments below and we'll bear you in mind in the coming weeks and months!

Summer School and Greenbelt

2008-08-30T19:58:00.002Z

Wow! I've only just surfaced back on planet earth through a fog of tiredness after 2 mad weeks...

The first week was a whirl of meeting new people, lectures for my first module of my course, lots of different forms of Anglican worship, and drinking in the bar with new friends! My bed was like a board and the chairs in our lecture room unbelievably bad for your back so I set of for Greenbelt with back ache...

The 5 hour car journey passed really smoothly and the kids were fantastic, and when we arrived on site - what a welcome! Some friends from our neighbouring parish of St Catherine's had set our tent for us and proceeded to unload our car for us, it was like eurocamp!!

We had a fantastic time at the festival - the kids made a great impression on everyone and really drew people into their sunshiny world of playing! It was great for them to have lots of nice friendly adults taking an interest in them. They loved the children's festival and went off happily each day into their respective tents and gave mummy and daddy time to get to some talks, seminars etc and just catch up with people we knew.

My highlights were Ian Mobsby on the desert fathers and mothers and the emerging church, Mark Berry on new monasticism, Naz and Jane's Serum, Sara Miles, Juliet Turner, Moot's all-age worship Trinity Twister and "Perpetual Dawn. I found the Sunday communion a bit of a damp squib, I suppose in part because it was raining! But also it just seemed a bit over-complicated and didn't pick up on the fact that its a huge gathering of people and the buzz that can generate.

The highlights of things I didn't get to go to but heard good things about were Aradhna, Anna Elias and the Forlorn Hope, David Dark, Doug Gay, Pete Rollins, Prem Mitra, John Bell, and Clare Catford. *sigh* there's just too much to do!

Our Ambient Wonder event in the New Forms venue on Julian's revelations went brilliantly - we had 120 people and the feedback we've been getting is that people were very moved and met with God, which is all we could have hoped for really. We had a great time doing Spontaneous worship on Friday evening with a meditation on Julian's revelation on a hazelnut!

So all in all it was great fun, exhausting and exhilerating, the only downside being my back ache turned into sciatica which I haven't had a 2 years, so that took a bit of the shine off it! But now I'm back in my warm, comfortable bed and have had a couple of long lie-ins courtesy of my wonderful husband, I'm back to my perky self!

The start of the big adventure

2008-08-16T16:06:00.004Z

Tomorrow I'm off to a 5 day residential "Summer School" which is the start of my ordination training with the Eastern Region Ministry Course. It's held at Ditchingham All Hallows Convent in their conference facilities so I'm looking forward to having that wonderful space to enjoy while I meet my colleagues and teachers on this next stage of my journey. I'm also planning to swim in the outdoor pool which will probably be bracing to say the least!!

Then on Friday we're driving down as a family to play our part in the brilliant Greenbelt festival in Cheltenham - we're running 2 worship slots, one Friday evening and the other Monday afternoon. Thanks to some lovely people we know from Norwich, who are taking our tent with them and pitching it for us, it will be a whole lot less stressful this year! (our tent is easy to put up but our 2 year old isn't keen on letting the grown ups do things without his "help"!) So the main thing is to pray for dry weather!

homosexuality and being an Anglican...

2008-08-07T19:02:00.004Z

... well, in for a penny, in for a pound!

As a fully signed up member of the Anglican Communion now I'm obviously watching with interest what's been happening a the Lambeth Conference (is it only Anglicans and Anglican bashers who really care what's going on with 800 or so men in purple dresses at the University of Kent??) I've been reading lots of the newspapers' coverage - obviously the Times but also the Guardian which had a slightly less conservative take on the whole affair.

By "whole affair" I mean the controversy of the GAFcon and the Bishops who stayed away, Gene Robinson's alternative gathering and the tension between Liberals and Conservatives over whether homosexual couples should have their relationship blessed by the church.

My reflections, for what they're worth are as follows*:

since when did what you believe about sexuality become the benchmark of orthodoxy? It would appear that its ok to be self-righteous, arrogant, proud, vengeful, hateful even, as long as you don't condone homosexuality.
I value being part of a church that is broad and inclusive, because it means that people walk alongside each other and share lives with people who don't always share the same view of the bible, faith and lifestyle. This has meant for me that have learnt from the faith journeys of others who I might not have bumped into had I been in a church that is more narrowly focussed in their view of "orthodoxy". I would feel a great sense of loss if a schism / split / breakaway occurred.
Having said that, I lived for many years with parents who were deeply unhappy in their union and stayed together - I'm not sure its a good way to live. Relationships (within marriages or within the Anglican Communion) are precious, but in our fallen world there is no denying that humans make a mess of things sometimes and relationships die. Sometimes the only healthy thing to do is to move on.

If a split happened I guess I might be forced to choose where I was going to minister - and if I'm honest I'm not sure what to think. There was a time I was very conservative in my views on sexuality and interpreting the bible. Awareness of how often the bible is used as a weapon (like passages that were used in the past to justify racism for example) is changing my view of how the bible should be taken and used. However I'm feeling out of my depth as I only know the conservative way of evaluating the text. (Good job I'm going to be studying theology for the next 3 years hey?!)

However, my theology thus far is always through the lens of the Kingdom of God, and I know that the Kingdom is both "now and not yet" - we see through a glass darkly here on earth. So I'm left reflecting that many of our relationships fall way, way short of the ideal - Christian marriages that are abusive and dysfunctional, parents estranged from their children, anyone you care to meet, frankly - so if homosexual relationships fall outside of the definition of ideal in the bible, then that's no different from all of our non-ideal relationships.

Yet when relationships reflect something of the glory of the God, show the Kingdom of God now albeit imperfectly, I feel like that should be celebrated and encouraged. So a same-sex committed relationship that demonstrates love, loyalty, fidelity, tenderness, sacrifical giving must have something of the Kingdom in it to be celebrated??

Rev Heath

2008-07-28T20:34:00.001Z

Just to let you know I was accepted to start training for Ordination - my course starts with a summer school on Aug 17th so I'm really excited! Thanks for all your prayers :)

This is it!

2008-07-14T21:24:00.002Z

So tomorrow I'm off to Bishops Advisory Panel for the selection of candidates for Ordained ministry within the Church of England - a 48 hour intensive where I'll do a form of psychometric testing, give a presentation and chair the discussion afterwards, complete a written exercise, have 3 hour-long interviews with 3 separate advisors and have a bit of time on my hands for exploring Ely Cathedral...!

My predominant feeling is of relief that its finally here and I can get on with it, I'm more unsettled than I thought I'd be and want to get a bit more grounded into trusting that I'll see the power of God at work in the process as well as the outcome! So if you remember, please pray for me as I know it'll help! Thanks :)

Rhianna's sponsored run!

2008-06-20T22:17:00.003Z

Rhianna had a sponsored run at school recently to raise money for equipment for the playing field and although I took my video camera to record it it had been switched on accidentally in my handbag so the battery had completely run out! (I was so annoyed with myself!)

They had to complete two laps of the field, which is quite a way for her little legs! She went round hand in hand with her friend Jasmine because Jasmine had hurt her leg earlier in the day and Rhianna didn't want her to have to run on her own! So they were well and truly last to get round but I was so proud of her!

She got her certificate:

and today we found out that she's won a prize for raising the most money in her class (thanks in the main to her wonderful uncles and aunts Sharon, Kieran and Nic) which she'll collect on Monday -so go team Rhianna!!

Seder Meal

2008-04-24T14:19:00.001Z

On Sunday a group of friends from the Norwich Christian Meditation centre had a Seder meal at our house - we took a fairly traditional passover celebration and did the rituals and ate the food.

It was fun and light-hearted (not least because it involves 4 glasses of wine! Even if we were only drinking one of the four - the rest being grape juice - because we were drinking it down practically in one go in order to do the blessing and pour the next glass ready for the next part of the ritual it meant some of us experienced some light-headedness!)

I adapted a pretty conventional haggadah (script for the meal) and had to cut it down from its original 20 pages of A4 to a more manageable 13 pages! You can find it on the ambient wonder website if you'd like to read it.

It was fascinating to experience some of the symbolism, stimulated us to think more about the exodus story and also got us asking more and deeper questions - the best outcome for any spiritual event in my book - so well worth doing!

"Off to see the Bishop...

2008-04-14T08:08:00.006Z

... the wonderful Bishop of Thetford!" I have a meeting with Bishop David today to talk with him about going forward to the next stage of selection. I'm looking forward to meeting him as he is involved with David Hayden in overseeing the Fresh Expressions in the Norwich Diocese.

In the meantime, we have a new addition to the family - ladies and gentlemen, meet Polly! She's 9 weeks old, black Labrador, very cute! Settling really well, toilet training going well (since the idea of giving her a little biscuit every time she does the business outside - perfect!) She can go a bit wild for half an hour every now and then so then we hear a lot of "NO, POLLY!"s at times, but generally she's playful and affectionate and lots of fun! She is definitely Paul's dog - as many of you know he has wanted one for so long! That suits me fine as it means he gets up early to sort her out in the mornings and unlike when he does the same with the children I don't need to feel guilty!!

Definition of Spirituality

2008-03-19T09:37:00.000Z

The material from the Developing Consciousness course is great so I thought I'd share some extracts with you to see what you think!

"Spirituality is the cultivation of a sensitive and rewarding relationship with Eternal Truth and Love" - Rowan Williams

I love this - in such a short phrase it contains so many elements. I like the reminder about intentionality (conveyed in the word 'cultivation') - that a relationship with Eternal Truth and Love takes effort on a sustained basis. I can't imagine not wanting to be in relationship with Truth and Love, as these concepts conjure up an image of purity and freedom - like a cloudless sky of deepest turquoise colour. To know that it rewarding to me as an individual is reassuring, but its downright inspiring to imagine the reward for us as a community of people living on earth. I can't think of a better word to describe my hope for the world that it become a sensitive place (by which I mean not in a defensive way but by valuing the relationships within it and always looking to build up rather than tear down.)

Next stage of selection

2008-03-17T10:27:00.002Z

Just to update you that I've been put forward to see Bishop David, the Bishop of Thetford, to see if he'll sponsor me to go to what's known as a Bishops Advisory Panel in June. I have lots of paperwork to get done in preparation for the panel - at this stage its another form to fill in and a written exercise (500-700 words) on Mission and Evangelism. Once those have been submitted then I'll be preparing a presentation to do at the panel, practising some 'pastoral exercises' and swatting up on theology!!

learning together - godly play

2008-03-03T09:33:00.004Z

I've been interested for ages in learning to run godly play sessions, mainly as a way of involving children and adults together in church in growing our understanding of God together. I'm passionate about children not being shunted off out of the way while the adults do their thing at church, because I feel that children have enough of school throughout the week and mostly because I believe we all miss out on opportunities to become more human when we segregate ourselves.

The church could be practically the only place in society where young people, elderly people, children and working aged adults can engage together. Living in our village there is huge distrust and antagonism between the adults and the youth, but if you consider the culture we all live in where there is no engagement at all between young people and adults (other than their parents) then its not really hard to see why this mistrust comes about. Surely as church we can transcend our culture and learn together?

We're hoping the run some ambient wonder events for all ages this year - probably called ambient wonderlings (what do you think of the name?) let me know if you're interested in this as an idea, and also if you're interested in learning godly play too as I could organised a training day in Norwich if I have enough people.

First interview this Thursday

2008-02-26T21:41:00.002Z

I'm preparing for my first of two formal interview in the ordination selection process on Thursday morning, with what's known as an examining chaplain. The other is next Wednesday and then I meet with Steven, who's the person who co-ordinates the process for the Bishop, before Easter to see where we are. Both the interviewers will write a report about me for Steven which he'll then talk through with me, and then I either get postponed while I do more work on areas or issues, get told nicely but firmly that I'm deluding myself or get put forward to what's known as a Bishop's Advisory Panel (BAP!) in about June time.

I've realised I haven't been interviewed formally for seven years, so I have found myself getting quite anxious. I guess that shows that I'm passionate about this, so please pray for me to show my true self and communicate well about myself and my calling! Thanks :)

Ambient Wonder 'Ordinary Time'

2008-02-25T10:18:00.004Z

Last night's ambient wonder event was really good, a quiet meditative space that explored how we can encounter the presence of God in every day lives, in the mundane and ordinary. The space had stations with lots of activities on them, ranging from washing up and ironing, absorbing art by Degas and Vermeer, touching and feeling everyday objects to explore beauty and intricacy, writing prayers, decluttering exercises, advertising ways that we've found helpful in praying and encountering God, reading lots of quotes by varied people as well as looking at the example of the Celtic Christians and Br Lawrence. The evening was punctuated by 4 'calls to prayer' in which the singing bowl was rung then an individual read or said a prayer - the idea was to explore the tradition of the daily offices: morning, midday, evening and compline prayers.

One of the exercises was to identify 3 times of day that I could set aside to deliberately pray: I chose getting home after dropping Rhianna off at school, making snack after school and loading the dishwasher and clearing up the kitchen after dinner in the evening. Here are the prayers I wrote, in a style influenced by the stuff I'd been reading about Celtic Christianity:

On getting home from the school run:
"Mat the Creator God make me productive today.
May Christ's living be my Light.
May Christ's dying be my safety net.
May Christ's rising be my power.
Spirit, fill me and move me on!"

When preparing snack:
"Praise you God for food for our health and energy - may I live for You.
Praise you God for variet, harmony and balance - may I make wise choices.
Praise you God for abundance - may I not waste Your gifts."

When clearing up after dinner:
"Lord, You have given each tool and implement a purpose - may I remember mine.
Lord, You have made things beautiful as well as useful - may I treasure beauty wherever I find it.
Lord, you clean and restore, repair and re-use - may I follow Your lead and look for the redemption of all things."

There was also a mindful walking exercise that people cpould do between activities on the stations which I loved - I find it a real struggle to find a rhythm of slow walking (cos I'm always dashing somewhere!) but when I do its worth the effort as I can really become aware of my body and my thoughts in a way that allows God to break through so much more clearly.

As usual it was a great privilege and excitement to be involved with others in such a creative and inspiring process. If you haven't made it along to an event yet I hope you'll come soon - the next planning meal is March 16th and the next event is March 30th.

Developing Consciousness course

2008-02-21T19:41:00.002Z

Last night was the first session of the new Developing Consciousness course at the Meditation centre, with about 30 people. It was a great group, slightly different from the last few groups I've been part of as most of the people had heard about the course through the Richard Rohr event rather than through advertising in local 'green' magazines.

I'm delivering more parts of the course content this time, including a short section last night that went really well. I'm really enjoying being part of something that is innovatively engaging with the spiritual perspectives of all sorts of people.

For those of you who don't know much about the course, here is some of the publicity material (I can't put a hyperlink in as the website is still under construction):

Purpose of the Course

Developing Consciousness was devised as a way of exploring the conventional ‘enlightenment’ experience in a simple way. It was also devised to enable participants to experience Christianity as an eastern religion with mystical truth at the very centre of Jesus’ teachings.

The ‘Arc’ of the course

The course takes people on an experiential journey through their consciousness.

It begins with the five senses (which we seem to take for granted), and the nature of reality (Reality is that which continues to exist, after we have stopped believing in it – Philip K Dick). Then looks at the mind and the way it shapes our reality. We then look at the fact that we are not our minds, and from that the question ‘who are we?’ naturally arises.

The third session looks at spirituality (using Rowan Williams definition that ‘Spirituality is the cultivation of a sensitive and rewarding relationship with eternal truth and love’). And that naturally leads on to concepts of non-dual consciousness.

The forth session looks at ways in which non-dual consciousness has arisen through the ages in different cultures, and consolidates the understanding of the previous session.

Session five is on the nature of personal transformation (acceptance). Session six is on spiritual practice .Session seven is on meditation and session eight consolidates the learning.

The Methodology

The course takes people on a shared experience through the material. Some material is delivered from the front, as is the sharing of key experiences (eg peak experiences). There are also group exercises using, among other things, cards, drawing, self reflection, observation and guided meditation.

We use quotations from the Bible, Tao Te Ching, Dalai Lama, Einstein, Aldous Huxley, Thomas Merton, Anthony de Mello and others.There are times of silence and meditation.There is also sharing in the main group, including ‘learning dialogue’, as well as in small groups. The course runs under the principal of ‘con-scios’ – learning together.

The course is run over 8 weeks one and a half hours per session, but it has also been run as a one day, or two day workshop.

being a 'human becoming'

2008-02-20T11:06:00.000Z

I've been thinking a bit about identity lately, prompted by something Richard Rohr said when he was in Norwich last month (the Norwich Christian Meditation Centre at St Augustine's hosted an event at the cathedral and a seminar/workshop thingy over 2 days using St Luke's building).

I can't remember the exact quote but Fr Richard was saying that we don't need to become spiritual beings, we already are spiritual as we have the breath of God within us, formed in the image of the Divine Creator. What we need to become is more fully human, and that the Son of Man came to show us how to do just that. We need to develop our awareness of our false self, that is the jugdgments and preconceptions that govern our thinking to such an extent that we can no longer be truly aware of the reality around us. Developing a non-dualistic mind that allows things to live in parallel / paradox as well as in harmony, is a powerful way to much deeper communion with God.

Ian Mobsby talked at the weekend about considering himself a 'human becoming' rather than a human being, to encapsulate the idea of being on a journey and not being a finished product. He pointed out that we are used to judging one another by the standards we are called to live by, forgetting that its a process we are going through by the grace of God.

I think that this way of looking at ourselves and others has a lot to teach us about relationships, how our interactions could be governed by the consideration "what can I do in this situation to enable opportunities for the other person to become more fully human?"

Inspired to blog again...

2008-02-18T11:54:00.002Z

I've just got back from a weekend away in Derbyshire with a group of people who're involved in emerging church stuff across the UK - there were plenty of bloggers in attendance and some lapsed bloggers like myself! Mark Berry said the reason he's not blogging is "because he's got a life now" and whether or not that's true for him I'd struggled to truthfully use that as my excuse!
However I think it's good for my thinking when I'm blogging so I'm going to make the effort again!

I'm currently in the thick of the selection process for ordination (Church of England) which is exciting and a bit scary and quite a lot of hard work preparing and thinking etc. I'm applying to become a pioneer minister, which is quite new and the impression I get is that most people don't really have a good understanding of what it involves in reality, so it's been a bit daunting. However, I got in touch with Tim Yau (who used to work for NYFC and is currently doing pioneer training at Ridley Hall in Cambridge) and his description of the opportunities he's being given encouraged me so much. Then I went away this weekend and met Ian Mobsby, Ben Edson and Gareth Powell who are all involved in pioneer ministry training in one way or another and I feel so much more determined to focus on the pioneer training pathway even if it makes it more complicated (currently the Eastern Region Ministry Course where I'm hoping to train if I get through doesn't have a pioneer stream but its likely I think that they'll link into the Cambridge based training run by David Male)

My plan is to post every few days or at least once a week if I don't manage that! But in the meantime, did you know that Derbyshire used to have a wild population of wallabies??

Update after busy October!

2007-10-30T16:16:00.000Z

Hi all - sorry about lack of posting. Here's an update:

Rhianna is absolutely loving school - her teacher says "she's a joy to have in class" and its clear that she's settled really brilliantly despite my concerns about a large class. She has so many best friends I've lost count!! It was great to have half-term last week and get the best of her for a week because when she's been at school for the morning she's tired and irritable in the afternoons! Mrs Podolski definitely sees the brightest side of her at the moment! She's part-time til after Christmas - she's ready mentally for the afternoons but her level of tiredness is incredible, especially considering that she used to be at nursery 8-5! Just shows you how much more demanding school is than nursery.
Finnan is still a happy chappy, really settled at nursery and enjoying the activities we do on the other days. He shows his approval by either screeching or doing his 'shark face' (big toothy grin with his eyes screwed up! photo to follow!) He's using quite a few baby signs to tell us what he wants and is starting to say some words, like "bubbles", "ball", "book" - he's fine as long as it starts with b!!
I'm struggling to fit everything I need to do in to the restricted hours that I have available - we're paying for the same number of hours childcare but I can only use half of it because of having to pick up Rhianna from school - 3 hours in a morning isn't much time do anything!
I'm enjoying being a trustee for NYFC and went away at the beginning of October to a conference learning about being an effective trustee. It was good to spend time with the others while we were away too.
Ambient Wonder is going really well - we've had 2 events this term that have been great and well-attended. the most encouraging thing has been that the planning meetings have become what we hoped - a social, relationship building time where everyone can feel part of AW and contribute to the event. The ABofC (Archbishop Rowan Williams) is visiting Norfolk in a few weeks and Nicholas and I are presenting to him about the Norwich Christian Meditation centre and Ambient Wonder, so that's exciting to be part of.
I've been involved in running the Developing Consciousness course this term, delivering one of the sessions and helping out. I've really enjoyed doing it and look forward to having more time to take on more elements of the delivery of the course over the next year.
I'm going to confirmation classes (for the reasons that will become apparent later...) which is turning out to be a really enriching experience, exploring what the commitment means with a group of us who are all on different journeys towards closeness with Jesus.
I'm running some training on mental health problems for the street pastors this week.
I enjoyed my birthday in October, we had a day at the beach in lovely sunshine and a softie icecream! I got a brilliant DAB radio/CD player and some great books, plus the long awaited series 6 of the westwing - fab, now I just need time to watch it!
I'm still swimming and doing exercise classes at the club I joined in the summer - I love the headspace it gives me and the luxury of a heather outdoor pool in the early morning!

Perhaps the most interesting thing I'm doing at the moment is.... applying to be trained as a vicar!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its a long drwan out process that I've only just started (it could take a year or more) but its exciting to be putting myself forward for training and hopefully getting the opportunities to serve people and show them the kingdom of God.

Hope you're all well.

Rhianna's worship song

2007-09-18T10:39:00.000Z

"God is so mighty
God is so lighty
I love you God"

Laundry dilemma

2007-09-04T19:08:00.000Z

I know you're thinking "how can this post be at all interesting?" but bear with me, especially you eco-bloggers (and possibly you eco-sceptics too!)

The advertising for laundry product is all about emphasising their green credentials at the mo - concentrated so fewer lorries needed to transport it, washes so brilliantly at 30 degrees so saves energy etc. I'm trying to work out what my most ethical choice is when doing the many loads of washing we do each week so here's the current state of play:

My washing machine is 11 years old and still going strong (well, as far as I know - it could conk out any day but hasn't shown any signs of it yet!) It was built before energy efficiency was an issue in the market so its probably hopeless inefficient for both electricity and water. It also doesn't have a 30 degree setting.
I use ecover non-biological powder which is pretty good for most of our washing but my son is the messiest little person so his clothes get really stained and it doesn't touch those. Sometimes I use vanish stain remover.

So when the washing doesn't get clean, is it more eco-friendly to wash at a higher temperature (thus releasing more CO2) or use a stronger chemical to get it clean (thus polluting the water)? If I use a stronger washing detergent then should it be a concentrated liquid (saving space in transportation) or just a stain remover (less chemicals?)?

Why is trying to 'do my bit for the environment' such a exercise in philosophical and logical gymnastics? Even the small things in life get complicated...

more greenbelt

2007-08-30T21:42:00.000Z

I knew I'd forget something, I really enjoyed Ched Myers' talk on 'Abraham under the 'Teaching Oak' - really in depth look at the bible texts and drawing out relevant and interesting themes I've never noticed on my own! great if you're an environmentalist and feel slightly uncomfortable about whether you have a clear rationale for it!

Greenbelt - loved it!

2007-08-29T19:52:00.001Z

Got back from Greenbelt 07 yesterday, we had a fantastic time! Our tent was great, the kids did really well sleeping considering (although we had a few hiccups on the first couple of nights and Paul was up with them at 6 every morning cos it was so light) and we managed to keep them from bumping into anyone else's tent!! Thinking about it, this will be the hardest Greenbelt will ever be (as it'll get easier and easier as Finnan gets older) so the fact we all managed to have a great time is pretty cool!

My highlights:

John Bell - such a crafted, skilful orator with interesting things to say - I particularly liked his talk on women in the bible
John O'Donahue - another treat for the ears - and very funny too - but less stimulating for the mind, I didn't agree with his heavy emphasis on 'self' in 'Imagination as the Path of Spirit'
the kids festival was great - a big thank you to the hard-working lovelies who made me kids feel so safe and special while they were taking care of them (and giving mummy and daddy time to go to seminars etc!)
Fischy music - both the kids loved the shows we saw and they're now grooving to the cd in the car, Finnan gets so excited when he hears the opening sounds of the cd he flaps his arms so hard he might fall out of his car seat!! Rhianna knows all the words already and particularly like the song about eating worms...!
finding Rachel, an old uni friend who's now a trade union leader!! She always was mad on politics...
finally making some progress on my pledge to do something positive towards building peace - I was really impressed by Peace Direct, co-set up by Caroline Hayman who I met in G-source. I want to look into getting involved in some ways.
meeting other emergent bods in the organic beer tent - Steve, Paul, Johnny - and Ben and Sonia at new forms events
all age alt. worship events by Sanctus 2nds and Sanctuary (Bath)
Sunday morning communion - always a bit amazing to be taking communion with 15000 other people, but made even more special by the great choir, absorbing activities and theme (prepared by Sanctus 1) and the visuals and live ambient worship by Fuse Factory at the Arena stage - and being with nearly all the people we knew from Norwich!
hanging out with our friends Anandi, Bethany, Mark and Suzi and Gabbie and Millie
Finnan loving the music, pretty much everything floated his boat but he loves dance music most of all I feel (like his dad)! At one stage he was getting into a tiswas and the only thing that would calm him down was hanging around in the music store - while we were in there I heard a track by the Social Services that I really liked - will track them down some more!

There were loads more things that I enjoyed - more another time hopefully. Anyway, if you've never been to the festival go next year!!

Facebook

2007-08-22T19:11:00.000Z

I was invited to join facebook this week and although I haven't found my way around lots of the features - or uploaded a photo yet - I'm now registered! I have caught up with 3 school friends and one uni friend who I'd completely lost touch with, so its good fun so far! If you're ahead of me and want to "be friends" send me a message and we can link up (as it were!)

when you're feeling too small to matter

2007-08-21T19:51:00.001Z

Child Birth - is choice a right?

2007-08-16T09:09:00.000Z

I get so fed up with all the discussion (for example on Woman's hour this morning) about women being entitled to choose where and how they have their babies - its such a self indulgence to be so concerned about it. I know that women have given birth since the beginning of time and so its not a medical condition, but I also think that without the knowledge and skills of professionals things can go wrong. A lot of babies die across the world due to lack of healthcare for the mother at the birth.

Its unhelpful to paint the medical professions as interfering and pushy, many of my friends have benefited hugely from their care and attention in what is a scary time of life. The argument that "women know their own bodies" is trumped up nonsense when we live such western, urban, non-physical lifestyles - most women I know have been confused and bewildered by what is happening to their bodies throughout pregnancy, let alone in the midst of the pain of childbirth.

I'm not saying that all women should have to go to hospital or have medical care if they don't want to, but to say women have a right to choose is an indulgence of our privileged society - lets spend our energy so all women across the world have the opportunity to have medical help for their childbirth before we worry about our wealthy western sensibilities.

is the emerging church emerging in your church?

2007-08-16T08:54:00.000Z

Came across this article from a link from Paul's post about critique of the emerging church. I understand that to some the emphasis of the emerging church on the mystery of God is alien and not necessarily something they can relate to, but I found the sweeping generalisations annoying and the 'scooping up' of of everything the author doesn't agree with and labelling it emerging church laughable - since when has the emerging church been an advocate of church growth programs and 'purpose-driven' world domination??!

And chucking out the Bible so that everything goes? That's just lazy criticism. Most of what I've read about the practices of emerging churches, and certainly what we do in Ambient Wonder, is that the Bible is the central part of connecting with God but its not presented with 'the answer' printed in bold underneath.

Criticism of spiritual formation (referring it seems to contemplative prayer / meditation) that they are "based on Eastern mysticism" just shows enormous ignorance - the history and traditions of ancient Christian practises have often been lost and the emerging church is bringing them forward again - its pure fear and scaremongering to dismiss Christian meditation and contemplation as new-age nonsense or occultic.

There are a lot of writers within the emerging church and I certainly don't agree with all they say, but to dismiss an entire group of people who are trying to stay Christians in the face of their disillusionment with modern evangelical practises as occultic is irresponsible and unjustified.

Fun summer

2007-08-16T07:26:00.000Z

I used to dread the summer holidays when Rhianna was small as it meant that our routine went out the window, everything stopped and it was hard to keep her busy and me sane! This is the first year I've actually enjoyed it, possibly because the reality of "big school" is looming large and I'm aware of the changes that will bring to our routines and family life.

So here are a few of my highlights:

I've joined a leisure club (gym and swimming pool) which has been so relaxing - plus I can take the kids so we often to be found swimming in the outdoor heated pool in the sunshine
My mum's 60th birthday party was great fun - the kids loved the dance floor and all the flashing lights - check out Finnan's groovy moves!

We went to Billy Smart's circus with my mum - why haven't I ever been to the circus before in my 30 years on the planet??!! It was FANTASTIC, skilful, beautiful and wholesome!! If my kids said they wanted to be circus aerialists then I'd support them all the way!!
Camping in the garden practising for Greenbelt (next week) was fun, especially as our new family tent is too big to fit in the garden!! It's enormous - which I hadn't realised when we bought it! It'll make fortnight-long camping holidays a real possibility for future years, but meant that we couldn't actually put the outer tent up so we still haven't properly practised! Roll on Greenbelt and pray for the weather!

Sunny holidays!

2007-07-16T07:11:00.000Z

We've just returned from our 2 week summer holiday in Majorca - we stayed at the Saturno in Alcudia. It was lovely, with great facilities for children, great weather and Paul in particular has the best suntan in years!!

Paul and I really love holidays in the sun lazing around, reading, sleeping, going to restaurants, trying local foods and enjoying sunsets with a cold beer - but we have small children... so it wasn't that kind of holiday at all!! It's going to be quite a while til we can have that kind of holiday again, so ClubMac was the best alternative - the kids clubs were varying quality in terms of reliability but Rhianna had loads of fun, dressing up as a clown and going on a parade then being on the main stage; dancing at the mini disco and in the swimming pool to the "Chi Chua" (don't ask!!); being a pirate; swimming every day; going to the beach for her birthday - it was great for her!

Finnan had a more difficult time - he was poorly at the beginning and then teething so he didn't sleep well (and neither did we as we were all 4 of us sharing a room!) and the Cosmos crèche was not suitable as it was so unprofessional and it got to the point where he screamed when we approached the door! So we didn't get what we'd hoped for in terms of completely child-free time but he slept twice a day so we managed to sit on our sunbeds for approximately 30 minutes a day!! He loved exploring though and enjoyed toddling around and made so many friends with everyone he met, so he was a delight too!

We'd certainly think about going back because for what it was it takes some beating - although next time we might book direct with the hotel, buy cheap flights and then get a taxi from the airport.

Being a spiritual family

2007-06-14T14:36:00.000Z

Woman's hour had an interesting article today about passing religious beliefs on to your children, talking with a Buddhist and a woman who had removed herself from the Plymouth Brethren community as a teenager, which caused a rift between herself and her parents. What really struck me was how un-antagonistic this discussion was and how sympathetically the notion of wanting your children to follow you into faith was portrayed.

The first guest, Buddhist Sarah Burns commented: "I want my children to grow up having a spiritual life as I believe it will make them happy and I want them to be happy" which I felt expressed a universal desire all parents share. She also made the point that she decided to expose her children to her religious practice once she realised the enormous influences society had on children - in her mind it wasn't a case of leading her children down one path but actually showing them that there is another path they could choose rather than growing up believing that the secular consumer world was all there was.

(On this theme I've been really struck by the sketch in Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse's show recently with the hygiene-obsessed woman who feels violated by anything that's not brand new. It's really stuck in my head as an example of one of the extremes of our consumer culture and how unhappy, imbalanced and unloving it can make you!)

The other guest Carol Clewlow described the "brilliant" upbringing of her god-children in a "wonderful funky spiritual household" which made me think 'I want me one of those!'. It seemed a great way to describe what I hope Paul and I can form (hopefully are forming) for our family.

I wonder if R4 invited Carol onto the show expecting her to be antagonistic given her own experiences? In the event it was apparent that she recognised the difference between her parent's approach, which was that they had responsibility to ensure their children met them in heaven, and the family she was witnessing her godchildren grow up in. She quoted "by their works you shall know them" to describe the 'showing the path by example' which really encouraged me - that someone obviously alienated by the church could still be open to genuine relational faith.

A really encouraging listen!

Finnan - one year old!

2007-06-06T20:46:00.000Z

Its incredible to me that this time last year my baby was this small!

and the only way he'd sleep was swaddled so tight!

waiting for his his first smile at 7 weeks, and for him to sleep all through the night without waking up at 11 and a half months!!

so poorly with the pox

enjoying his first Christmas

and really enjoying his food!!

getting more and more active

and turning one!

Happy birthday, gorgeous boy! Many many happy returns!

Update

2007-06-04T15:31:00.001Z

I thought I'd do a quick update on where I'm at:

spiritually - looking at the community of Aidan and Hilda for a rhythm to my prayer life, doing some reflective exercises using Margaret Silf and using Sacred Space
physically - have RSI in my wrist/thumb from carrying my little boy around!
Mentally - mood loads better and staying stable so feeling pretty good
politically - despite considering myself a socialist I'm concerned about Gordon Brown taking over and feel that David Cameron has good ideas - shame he can't even take his party with him when he leads so there's not much hope for a good prime-ministership! Ming Campbell is a disaster so completely stuck in the middle. Still think the 2008 US Presidential election can't come soon enough!!
as a consumer - failing miserably to avoid cheap clothes (I'm so fickle) but doing pretty well with recycling, not using carrier bags, giving plastic things I can't recycle to the children's nursery for them to do junk modelling with! Still haven't braved the bicycle yet but enjoyed biking at Centerparcs so maybe soon?
morally - finding it difficult to keep to the speed limit despite attending a speed awareness course a couple of months ago!
sacrificially - not doing so well giving away my time in friendship cos I'm always so exhausted. Not going out of my way to hang out with my extrovert husband either (sorry mate!)
learning - being a trustee is challenging and rewarding
blogging - improving??!

Awareness of relationship

2007-05-31T22:05:00.000Z

I came across an reflective exercise by Margaret Silf in which she asks you to think about the time "you came into awareness of your relationship with God" - the phrase really struck me as I've always struggled with the concept that at the time of 'becoming a Christian' you are starting a relationship with God. Its just always seemed so small-minded and human-focused, like we get to choose when things start and finish.

This phrase brought things into focus a bit for me: if two entities exist even if they aren't interacting at all they have a relationship simply by being in the same time and space together. So if all God does is exist then He is in relationship with people. But He doesn't just exist, He's pouring out mercy, love and 'undeserved positiveness' on people in His grace. So the relationship that exists may be a little one-sided but its a real dynamic. The only things left to make the relationship meaningful to the person is their becoming aware of it and seeking to respond and reciprocate.

I think the excitement of being part of the mystery of God's kingdom is our discovery of what God is already doing in our world and the amazing opportunity to be part of it!

kindness and coffee

2007-05-29T20:59:00.000Z

I took the kids into the city today at eldest's request (although she hadn't made it clear that she wanted to go on the yellow bus so it began with a minor temper tantrum in John Lewis' carpark!)

John Lewis is basically the easiest place to shop if you're on your own with 2 tinies with carpark, lifts, good babychanging facilities, great baby and toys dept and a cafe all under one rain-sheltered roof.

Once we'd done the first of the nappy/toilet trips we went through to the coffee shop to feed the children. The downside of the cafe is that you have to queue up and carry your food to your table - not easy with the buggy and 2 fractious hungry kiddies. So I got their food and took it to a table then got stuck in spooning mush into littlest's mouth while he's craning his neck around to look at the family at the next table and trying to grab the spoon and do it himself (which he does at home with ensuing mess and mayhem and I wasn't prepared to risk in public!) whilst retelling the story of Ariel the mermaid and encouraging eldest to eat a cheese sandwich before her yoghurt.

Funnily enough I remember laughing at something one of them did and thinking "this could be really stressing me out but I'm doing fine!" as a lady approached me to ask if I was on my own. Thinking she wanted the spare chair I started to move over for her to move it and said yes, I'm on my own. She asked me if I'd like her to get me a coffee!! I said I'd love a cappucino and reached into my bag for my wallet but she waved it away and went off to queue.

I sat there thinking what a lovely thing it was to have someone think about what I might want without me having to ask and looking forward to the coffee, then time went past and I began to wonder if she'd had to go or just decided against it! After a long time she appeared with a wonderful hot (fairtrade) coffee and again waved away my money saying she remembered what it was like with small children... and I was left with such a great feeling, looked after and supported by a complete stranger who reached out to me in the sisterhood of motherhood! What a wonderful thing to do!

Wow!

2007-05-24T19:29:00.000Z

I expect a mild exclamation from you all that I've actually posted - its been a long while! Its funny that when you get out of the habit of blogging its easy to let it slide, but when you do it regularly its easier to make the time for it.

The main reason I haven't been posting is that I've been focussing on keeping myself well - I've been suffering from post-natal depression and so life has been a bit of an uphill struggle at times. I feel much brighter and my energy is coming back now so hopefully the worst is past.

We've just had a busy weekend with Finnan's dedication and a big family get-together for his first birthday. Add to that Paul's sister having been over with her baby daughter for a flying visit from the States, having to sort out Rhianna's school for September, encouraging her to be 'dry' at night, being a trustee of 2 organisations, life coaching, running Ambient Wonder and staying well, its been a bit hectic.

Can't promise anything but will try to blog a bit more frequently. Please bear with me!

Lent Talks and emergingchurch.info article

2007-03-15T09:48:00.000Z

Sorry for the lack of postings lately, usual busyness and been a bit down, but Spring is here and I've got loads to post on over the next few days! Ambient Wonder is going well but taking up a lot of time and I went to a great day on Contemporary Spirituality which I want to blog about soon.

In the meantime we've had our Emergingchurch.info article published!

Just been listening to the Lent Talks on R4 website, interesting in a light-hearted way but still got me thinking - especially about the image of meek Jesus being dispelled by the clearing of the Temple.

more soon!

Ambient Wonder on Network Norwich

2007-02-19T13:12:00.000Z

Our article is published today to publicise the Ambient Wonder events, in particular our start of Lent this coming Sunday evening.

Our hope is that this will broaden the group of people committing to the community and therefore the pool of people, passions and ideas to draw on for creating future events. We so want people to find space to contribute and participate so we can fulfill our values of learning from one another and connecting with God in innovative ways.

Onwards and upwards, we've been asked to write a piece for Emergingchurch.info which we'll be doing this month... Busy busy busy!

My Verdict on the Verdict

2007-02-15T22:40:00.000Z

Firstly, well done the BBC for such a brilliant and fascinating programme. And well done the celebraties who volunteered for such a gruelly project in which they would be more vulnerable and exposed than any crap Big Brother type show.

My Verdict:

Based on viewing this (albeit fictional) trial, would I be more or less likely to report to the police and unltimately the Criminal Justice system if I had been raped? Less

Do I believe that our criminal justice system can deliver justice to rape victims? No

I believe that the onus is on women who are raped to provide the evidence of their violation in order to even hope of getting to court, so here is my handy guide:

make sure you bear many and various injuries from the assault - struggle a lot so your are bruised and remember that more injury to your private parts mean less likely that the jury can dismiss them as a result of an STD or constipation (even though struggling may result in further violence that could leave you killed - nevermind, at least you may possibly get justice)
God forbid you are so frightened that you are petrified i.e. too frightened to move. Juries don't believe that a woman who lies still doesn't consent: oh, and you have to shout a lot too.
Go straight to the police and make sure they do their job properly - you're dignity is gone anyway so don't hold back on getting them to do all the intimate internal examinations their policies dictate straight away after you've been violated. If you don't do this the jury will have to question whether you've made it up.
Be a virgin, and if you're not you better hope you haven't slept around - if you had an affair 20 years ago you can be sure the jury will know about it. Your attackers previous behaviour will not be admissable in court though.
You better hope that you haven't drunk any alcohol or been even be remotely attracted to your attacker before you knew what a b*****d he is - that is a sure sign you can't be trusted to know that you didn't want to have sex.

OK, you can sense I'm pretty worked up about it - I'm not saying the guys in this trial were definitely guilty; yet practically all of the jurors believed the girl had been raped. I just feel that there was no possible way for the jury to find them guilty because of the way our system works, and that is unnacceptable. Surely our citizens deserve more protection than that, and I feel genuinely frightened that violent men can behave without impunity.

Gay Adoption and liberal America...

2007-02-15T09:06:00.000Z

My 3rd Blogwatch article is published today - I picked up on the debate on Gay Adoption from Carl, Monty and Benvolio's blogs in the last month so prepare for much controversy...!!!

Also, does it strike anyone else as wierd that its the American branch of the Anglican communion that's getting into trouble for being too liberal??? Members of the Episcopal church must be hugely outnumbered by their fellow Christians over the water...!!

Funeral Arrangements

2007-02-13T20:59:00.000Z

Although this is hardly a cheerful subject, I have planned my own funeral, including songs, readings, where and how I'd like the service to be held as well as pointers for how I want to be buried or cremated - I'm leaving that bit up to my loved ones to decide what is best for them. My reasons for doing it were basically thinking that Paul (I'm assuming he'll survive me) would have plenty to do dealing with how to help Rhianna and Finnan deal with the situation as well as his own grief without having to think "what would Heather want?" I also found it enormously helpful to think about what I hope would sum up my life.

R4 a few weeks ago talked about green funerals and alternative ways to celebrate the life of the person who has died (you can listen to it here) and it was moving to hear from a mother who's 12 year-old daughter chose a green funeral for herself when she discovered she was terminally ill with cancer. The family all visited the burial site together before her death so she could choose the space she would be buried, and the mother said she feels uplifted when she goes to visit her burial site remembering the day they spent all together in that beautiful place.

Norwich has a woodland burial site which is where I'd like to be buried or have my ashes scattered (although I heard about a firework that will scatter your ashes, which sounds great!) I also want an eco-coffin like this one - I heard of families decorating them to represent the life of their loved one which sounds like it could be lovely.

I guess you might think all this preparation is a bit morbid but I know that the funeral service can be so helpful and meaningful, and I want my family to have an easier time should the worst happen. Also, as someone on the R4 programme said, being more personally involved in the arrangements for our death means that those arrangements can be so much more meaningful.

What would you like your funeral to be like?

(Paul is looking over my shoulder and keeps saying "DEATH" in a Slipknot kind of voice so sorry if this is waaaaay too heavy for a Tuesday evening!!)

Ballet girl!

2007-02-08T13:08:00.000Z

Rhianna is loving ballet classes - here's a sample of her dancing!

Worship music

2007-02-04T15:54:00.000Z

In Ambient Wonder events we use a lot of 'secular' music and the play list for the Labyrinth included some U2 along with Plumb, Over the Rhine, DC Talk, Moby and others. However, they're not intended for us to sing along to - they're more like audio art work, to stimulate thoughts and feelings that will hopefully lead to deeper connection with God.

So I read with interest Julian's post about a church using U2 songs as hymns. he writes "most of these songs are pretty general in their approach and appeal to the spiritual inner being whilst not particularly declaring gratitude to God or biblical truth, which at the end of the day is pretty much the point of a worship song".

It got me thinking, I'm not even sure I know what the point of a worship song is!! I go to a "hymn-sandwich" service on a Sunday, but my previous experience of church was of the 20 minute "worship set" (uugghh, that phrase makes me shudder, just the phrase not the actual thing although I've had some times of that too...!) Its certainly true that we get most of our theology from our songs, but I'm not sure I meaningfully communicate to God through singing. That's probably a personal preference thing, but I do often wonder what on earth is the point of singing songs at church.

Thoughts??

Ambient Wonder: Labyrinth

2007-02-01T11:46:00.000Z

The Labyrinth went really well on Sunday. I designed it based on the Millennium design that was made for St Paul's cathedral. We had 9 stations within it, around letting go, confession, God's promises, examining what distracts us from God, prayer, and journalling.

We have had about 20 people to most events we've run, however on Sunday we had 10 - and it was provident as it would have been too crowded with 20. We learnt a lot about how we could improve the design for next time, and will consider using the larger space at St Luke's when we do it again. It helps that one of the people who has just joined our community (via the Developing Consciousness course) is a Labyrinth-designer!!

The feedback we got was really positive - three people independently told me that "it was just what I needed".

We had a journal that people could write their experiences in and here is an example of what was written:

"I felt like I was journeying into God's presence. Re-realising God's love for me and how it is the foundation, security, energy and inspiration for everything else in my life. Everything else grows from that. I needed to return to that focus, that centre."

One of the things I love about Ambient Wonder is that we don't have any influence over what people take away from the experience of participating in the event, we just try and provide space and opportunities to respond to God.

Paul will be posting the stations etc. on the ambient wonder website in the next few days so check it out if you'd like more details.

Blogwatch 2

2007-01-25T17:24:00.000Z

My second Blogwatch article is now out on the Network Norwich site

don't forget Ambient Wonder

2007-01-24T10:06:00.000Z

'Journeying with God', walking our very own, specially designed labyrinth to explore the theme of hearing from God - this coming Sunday at St Augustine's Hall, 730pm

Check out the website for further details

PS If you're around this Sunday afternoon and have a couple of hours to spare to help us set up that would be really appreciated!

Would this help?!

2007-01-20T10:59:00.000Z

I've just been working on my next blogwatch article for the Network Norwich site so hopefully it'll be up on the site sometime next week - I've been told 250 viewed the last one!! I meant to do them more frequently than every 2 months but you know how it was before Christmas... So every month from now on.

In the article I was using some great tips on blogging from Adam Feldman (Hi Adam!) which I've blogged about before, and one of the things he said struck me and I wanted to ask for your thoughts - you see I know lots of people tell me they read my blog and yet somehow if they didn't tell me I'd never know ;) When I've asked people why they don't comment they can't really say, its just a vague sense that my posts are bit too thorough maybe?

so Adam's tip of "Be consistent in the ... length of your posts. (i.e. my posts are relatively short.) I try to steer clear of info overload from too many posts in one day or too long of a post. If you can’t say it in 3-4 paragraphs, create a series. If you must use more than 3-4 paragraphs, do so with discretion and not frequently" - this kinda backs it up I guess.

If I did this would you post more comments?! please note this post is 4 paragraphs long!! ;)

review of 2006 - films, books and events

2007-01-14T11:21:00.000Z

You'll know of course that I'm not the most active gig-goer, film buff and I don't munch my way through loads of books because I don't get the time, so hopefully you won't go into this post with too high expectations!! However I do like to summarise my year and think back on what I've enjoyed. (As usual my film year is best described by what I didn't get around to seeing!!)

Live Music
My one and only gig this year was Jamie Cullum at Thetford Forest - fantastic!

Films
Brokeback Mountain - see my review and analysis here and here
Little Miss Sunshine laughed-out-loud-til-my-sides-ached-funny and poignant
the Holiday saw this with my mum and mum-in-law the day before Christmas eve, slushy and romantic and lovely!!
Tristan + Isolde historically innacurate romance and barn-stormer, loved it!
The Phantom of the Opera - never having seen any version of this musical in my 30 years on earth seemed amazing to me!!
Pride and Prejudice - loved it almost to the point of obsession while I was pregnant, haven't watched it since!*

Books
Da Vinci Code - paciest first 2/3rds of a novel I've ever read followed by the most turgid and ridiculous last 1/3rd, on the whole a huge disappointment
Bleachers - amercian football story about forgiveness, legacy, honour.
Jane Austen Book Club - I loved the interweaving of characters and stories with Jane Austen narratives*
Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife: Pride and Prejudice Continues - quite overwhelmingly romantic girlie book!*
Darcy & Elizabeth: Nights and Days at Pemberley - ditto!!*
The Reading Group - Another interwoven characters book that I haven't quite finished yet!

2006 Films I want to see
Casino Royale, Children Of Men, An Inconvenient Truth, Munich, Pirates of the Caribbean 2, The Queen

*do you notice a Jane Austen theme developing - call it pregnancy hormones and forgive me!!

Heather the Life Coach in the Norwich Evening News

2007-01-07T19:13:00.000Z

I was really pleased to be interviewed by the Norwich Evening News about motivating ourselves and our staff to beat the winter blues - you can read the article here

It was great to be asked and I feel like I'm having business opportunities coming to me rather than having to seek them out, which is really encouraging.

I'm also excited to become a trustee of 2 organisations this New Year - Dreams and Visions and Norwich YFC. What with those new responsibilities and the start of Ambient Wonder going regular, blogging and blog reporting and my business taking off I'm a busy bee. All good though.

bitter sweet

2007-01-05T05:53:00.000Z

My extended family had a bitter sweet 2006 - lots of happy and exciting things happened to us and some very sad things as well.

My Uncle Michael had cancer for the last 7 months of the year and died on the 27th December. He was 56 and sadly he told my mum that just before he became ill he was the happiest he's ever been in his life. He had never believed in God and struggled to see a Loving force in the world with so much sadness and injustice. His illness was very cruel and would give him periods of false hope, only for them to be dashed again and again.

I feel tremendously sad that he didn't get to live out his happiness - continuing to own a very successful company, retiring to Portugal, living happily with his wife Julia, enjoying his grandchildren, spending time with his brother and sister and their families. I also feel sad that he wasn't able to connect with God's peace and love, as I believe it could have enriched his life.

Yesterday was the funeral in York - I travelled with my mum and her husband Joe (who drove approximately 650 miles in 24 hours). It was a very emotional day - as I hadn't seen Uncle Michael for a long time (long story) and its been a few months since I've seem my other uncle and aunt and cousins I felt a real mix of emotions. It was a very sad time and yet it felt very strengthening to be part of the Munday family pulling together for one another.

I was able to see photos of my new baby 2nd cousin Henry and share my aunt and uncle's joy at becoming grandparents for the first time. I got to talk to my cousins and we shared some good memories, distracted ourselves by talking about football and were able to connect on a deeper level than we have been able to before - talking of love, dissapointments and challenges, sharing our new year's resolutions and crying together. They have grown up to be loving, generous and loyal individuals and it was great to remember how important they are to me.

Thankfully we have some good things to look forward to at the start of this new year - baby Henry for one, and the news that my step-sister Nicola (Joe's youngest daughter) has got engaged to her partner Matt. They have been travelling around the world this year and arrive home at Heathrow in about 10 minutes time as I write this! Mum and Joe set off from here about an hour ago with my other step-sister Sharon to pick them up (bringing their total travelled miles to about 900 in 48 hours). We look forward to seeing them soon and having them meet Finnan.

There is lots more to say but for the moment I dedicate this post to Michael John Munday 12th July 1950 - 27th December 2006, and to Henry Paul Michael Fitzpatrick 21st December 2006 -

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-27T10:44:00.000Z

So sorry for the lack of posting over the last few weeks - having a week in bed in December meant craziness in the run up to the big day! It was worth it though...

Our Christmas started with the pantomime at the Theatre Royal in Norwich - Cinderella which is one of Rhianna's favourite stories anyway and she spent the whole performance perfectly still on Nanny's lap absolutely entranced! I spent the whole time watching her face, it was magical! I think I fell in love with her all over again!

It was so funny when she told Paul about it later that day (he'd stayed home with Finnan so missed out poor thing!)
Rhianna - "my favourite was the Fairy Godmother daddy"
Paul - "and did she fly?"
R - "yes, but there were strings behind her to lift her up in the air"
Nanny - (laughing and whispering) "unbelievable! you could hardly see them!"
R - "I could see them, Nanny"

There's no flies on her.... The funniest thing was that it didn't matter to her at all that she wasn't really flying, the experience was still magical even though it wasn't magic that had made her fly!!

On Christmas eve we went to Norwich Cathedral for the crib service - the children could dress up as characters from the Nativity. I'd bought a really sweet angel costume for her with gold wings and shiny stars on it - just perfect! Except Rhianna wouldn't wear it, wouldn't even try it on because she didn't want to be an angel she wanted to be... yes, you've guessed it, she wanted to be Mary of course!! Silly me, I should have predicted that! So she wore my blue scarf round her head and a blue dress and baby Rachel (her doll) was promoted to the ranks of the divine getting to play Jesus.

It was good fun, singing carols and the children getting to go to the front and be part of the 'tableau' - plus we had a lovely coffee beforehand with all the grandparents and a nice lunch out afterwards!

Christmas day started with Rhianna opening the most enormous box with a rocking horse called Snowflake in it, then the rest of our presents from Nanny and Grandad before they had to head off and drive to Leicester - then Nana and Gramps came with Great-Nanny and GG (Great-Gran) to eat our lovely dinner (cooked brilliantly by Paul) and open even more presents...

we are very blessed! more soon

ouch!

2006-12-08T19:42:00.000Z

I've been in bed for 5 days now with the most horrendous ear infection - most nights its felt like someone has been ramming a redhot poker into my brain. I've been faint (in fact I fell down unconscious when I went downstairs to get some painkillers the first night I was ill and smashed up my nose, my forehead and my hip pretty bad) dizzy, sick, washed out and in so much pain, I don't think I've ever been so ill in my whole adult life!

Of course it corresponded with Rhianna having chicken pox so she couldn't go to nursery or pre-school at all, Finnan's been teething and also has a cold so all in all Paul has been keeping everything together - getting up in the night for the kids, being woken up by my getting painkillers in the night and my general pain-induced sleeplessness, as well as having to take 2 days off work to look after the children. After not sleeping well for, oh lets just round it down to about 5 weeks before that with a combination of children and jetlag....

Paul's dad helped us out despite them being ill this week too, and then my wonderful step-dad Joe came up on Wednesday to look after the kiddies while I recovered.

So here's a public thank you to my wonderful, seemingly inexhaustable husband (if you know him please buy him a stiff drink next time you see him, he deserves it!) my generous stepdad and dad-in-law (plus the mums who would have been there if they could have been!)

Christmas Cards - think of the cost!

2006-11-30T20:11:00.000Z

Its the time of year when people start to write cards and I thought I'd offer my twopenneth' worth about this practice...

First the cards have to be made, usually from new paper rather than recycled, ink is printed on them releasing pollutants into the environment, gum is added to the envelopes, they're wrapped in completely unneccesary plastic, they're loaded onto carbon-dioxide releasing lorries and transported all over the country/globe, displayed in shops (that have to be lit and heated) and then bought by you.

you take them home, discard into landfill the plastic wrapping, you write them, stick on a stamp, post them, a postman (should that be 'postperson'? ;) ) collects them usually in a carbon-dioxide releasing van, takes them to a sorting office (which has to be lit and heated), they are transported around the country and delivered through the door of your friends and aquaintances. Who open it, throw the envelope away (most often into landfill) display them for around a fortnight then throw them away.

What an ecological nightmare!!!

Last year I sent email cards to everyone on my card list who has an email address, explaining why I wasn't sending a paper card and enclosing a photo of us all. I did send some cards to people who don't have email but only about 10.

I worked out that doing it this way meant I saved about £48, which I gave to oxfam to train a midwife.

Here are a few tips to send your Christmas wishes without killing the planet:

send email cards to all your computer-literate friends
buy recycled cards
rather than send hundreds of cards to people you see all the time, buy a largish card, sign it to all your work colleagues and stick it on the notice board or in the staff kitchen - similarly at church, toddler group, football club etc..
save the cards you're sent this year, cut the backs off them and send them as postcards next year - reusing and saving on envelopes

spend the money you save on an alpaca, clean water, giving a homeless person Christmas dinner, defending the planet, drugs education, pregnancy crisis counselling, defending human rights, evangelism to young people, heck just buy everyone in your office doughnuts... lets not waste money and the earth's resources!

And let me be the first to wish you a very happy Christmas!!

2006-11-23T09:49:00.000Z

I'm away in Kent staying with my parents while Paul is in America, good job too as both the children have been ill!! Anyway, not much to say except my first "blogwatch" article has been published...

more soon

Poppies, peace and honour

2006-11-16T08:31:00.000Z

I've always been incredibly moved by Remembrance Day, from as long as I can remember. I think it stems from my Grandad and Great Uncles serving in the airforce and navy during WW2 and also taking part in Remembrance Sunday services as a Brownie as a child. I always wear a red poppy because I think its very important to honour the fact that people, willingly or unwillingly at times, lost their lives defending our country.

It seems that in the past, wars were far more about defending our country than they are now - maybe the world was a simpler place then? or maybe the global nature of our lives now has broken down the strong distinctions of nationhood? I guess the two world wars were also about a clash of ideologies, but it seems now that that clash is less about nations and more about cultures, which means wars are now less clearly defined and even messier.

This year, for the second year running, I wore a white poppy as well as a red one, "symbolising the belief that there are better ways to resolve conflicts than killing strangers." I feel quite challenged to get involved in working for peace and the white poppy was one way to begin doing something more active.

Regular readers will know I am opposed to the war in Iraq for philosophical reasons as well as abhoring the practical outworkings of the conflict for the people of Iraq and the soldiers involved. That does not mean however that do not value the work of the service men and women who are sent there - they are doing their job in extremely difficult, dangerous, confusing and hostile circumstances. And once they have chosen to be part of the services they don't get to choose where they are sent and don't get to make a judgement on whether the wars they are fighting are just, self-defeating, whatever.

I was very moved this morning watching the BBC report of the bodies of service personnel returning home today. They were all loved by many people and doing their utmost to do a good job.

The total of British military fatalities in Iraq is now 125. It's important that we honour their memory. (On an aside I don't believe the troops will be any more downhearted if we hold an inquiry into the war than they must be already knowing so many in the public hold grave reservations about it)

I believe there can be no peace without justice, and there can be no justice while war is waged.

"Most of us want a world at peace. But many find it hard to see how armed violence can be prevented, and believe that sometimes it’s an acceptable means of solving problems. If we think in this unquestioning way, we’re prevented from devising and exploring creative alternatives to violent conflict and war. Only those alternatives – non-violent, positive, life-enhancing – will lead to a safer world, in which children can grow up not even knowing how or why to point a gun." Peace Pledge Union

transatlantic settler blog

2006-11-16T08:29:00.000Z

My sister in law Sarah has just set up a blog to give a British perspective of living in America - check it out!!

Greedy credit card companies

2006-11-13T09:12:00.000Z

the BBC is reporting this morning that credit card companies, complaining about the extent of bad debt and limits put on them regarding the rates they're allowed to charge, are planning on re-introducing annual fees. Thus, instead of making sure they only lend to people who can afford the debt, they penalise all their customers.

This infuriates me - surely the culture of borrowing far more than people can ever hope to repay is bad for society and bad for the economy and so also bad for business?? (personally I think its bad for the moral fabric of our society but I'm not naive enough to think that big businesses would actually care about this, but surely something that affects their profits might make them care just a little bit?)

At present credit companies lend money to people who they know, through credit checking procedures, already have massive debt. They hope that by inducing people to transfer their debt to them (balance transfers etc.) they can charge enormous amounts of interest on the money outstanding and make money that way. They just have to hope that the person can repay the debt. But people who are already in debt may borrow more if they're offered the opportunity, and so if they are offered credit by another company (or even the same company) their debt increases and eventually they may well not be able to afford to repay their debt. Thus the company loses the gamble - a bit like "pass the parcel" only in this game if you're holding the package when the music stops the company ends up losing all the money.

So companies who can influence this pattern that ultimately causes them to lose money choose not to use their business practices to influence a change in this culture. If they only lent to people who have not taken on more debt than they can afford then they would get their money back (plus a healthy profit on the interest), people would be able to manage their money with the option of credit for sticky patches in their cash flow, and our society would be a much healthier place.

Instead they say - "we'll keep lending to people who have loads of debt and make hay while the sun shines and just hope the music doesn't stop while we're holding the parcel... but hang on a moment, we're not making as much money as we'd like so we'll charge everyone for their card. That way people who can afford to pay their debts subsidise our irresponsible lending".

Now I appreciate I might sould like I'm whingeing because I'm going to end up paying a fee for my credit cards, or just looking down on people in debt. I'm not in debt but I appreciate that I'm in a priveledged position - we have a good income but more crucially, I was brought up with the notion that getting into debt is something to be avoided and that there is honour in living within your means even if that means not having all the stuff you want.

I think this is the message that we need to rediscover if we're going to become a healthier functioning society. And current structures, like students borrowing to pay fees for their education and credit companies lending irresponsibly, undermine that message and perpetuate our cultures "I want it now so I'll have it now even if I can't afford it now" attitude.

With interest rates rising, why are the state and banks not emphasising that it's a good time to be saving money so we can have the things we want next year without paying through the nose in interest! I appreciate that as a society we're so in debt people don't have much money to save, but if we can re-educate ourselves to be orientated around saving rather than borrowing, we'll be so much more healthy!

This issue is just one that goes to the heart of our collective responsibility for improving the functioning of our society. Why should greedy companies not be part of that collective responsibility? Who holds them to account??

Rhianna's phrases

2006-11-12T23:29:00.000Z

A few things Rhianna has said in the past week have really made me smile:

she has taken to telling us not to do things, like "don't come into my room" or "don't tickle me!" and then she says "and if you do.... don't!"!!!
when she put my reading glasses on I told her that it might hurt her eyes to wear someone else's glasses. She asked me why and I said because they were made to help me see better and that her eyes aren't the same as mine so what helps me might make her eyes go funny. She looked very thoughtful and said "is that why when I waggle my head the furniture moves up and down?"!!
today she told her Gramps on the telephone that mummy wasn't very well and daddy was making her feel better "because he's cleverer than mummy"!!

P.S. these aren't my reading glasses in case there's any confusion! ;)

Customer Service - good, bad and indifferent

2006-11-08T22:08:00.000Z

Been meaning to blog about some experiences I've had recently of varying standards of customer service:

Bought a T'shirt for Paul for his birthday from Howies, it was too small - it was free to send it back, free delivery on the replacement, really nice emails and all round fantastic service - so go buy something from Cardigan Bay's best clothes seller!
my experience of organising my birthday party at Delaney's has left me scarred - the manageress was outrageously rude and downright unhelpful throughout the whole process and did a good job of almost ruining the night for me - if my friends hadn't been having a good time I'd have spent longer crying. I intend to complain to Guinness who I believe own the pub (no point complaining to the manageress!) when I have enough energy to drag up all the unpleasantness again...
Still waiting to see how it works out complaining to Great Little Trading Company about the fact it took me three weeks and three phone calls to get a returns label to send back a faulty item...
I'm owed £15 by Spirit of Nature despite the fact that it was their fault that the item was out of stock, they have so far refused to engage with my emails...

Fear and understanding

2006-11-07T20:32:00.000Z

Further to my post about attitudes towards travellers and young people in my village, I've been pondering why people take against these groups when there's no cause for complaint about their behaviour - its their very presence that's enough to make people want them to go away!

Helsalata made a great point in the comments to that post that "it would be nice as a society if we could ... try and understand what it is that young people are trying to discover about themselves, their leisure time and relationships by being in a group outside." I think the same sort of thing could be said about understanding the Traveller community. And the Muslim community for that matter.

My hunch is we're scared of what we don't understand, and we're scared to admit we don't understand so we won't try and understand - and so their presence reminds us of that, so we want rid of them.

How do we as a society get out of that cycle?

blog watcher

2006-11-06T21:57:00.000Z

Norwich readers may have seen the "splash"(!!) on the Network Norwich site about my appointment as 'blog watcher' for the Christian community - very grandiose I'm sure!! In reality I said I'd be happy to write something every now and then as I read most of the blogs regularly anyway - it wasn't my idea for the photo and article!!

Anyway I'd like to do my first piece on why people use their precious time to blog - what got you started, how does it benefit you and what are your hopes and visions for your blog? It would be great if you could leave your responses in the comments please!

different viewpoints

2006-11-02T21:50:00.000Z

I've been challenged by a few things this week that showed me very clearly that not everyone sees the world the same way I do.

The first was a conversation I overheard in the Post Office - some older residents of the village I live in talking about how they refused to recycle cos "one minute we're told not to waste water then the next they want us to rinse out can and bottles. I'm not paying to do their dirty work". They also complained about illegal immigrants, travellers in the woods and the Co-op (who've just taken over the village supermarket from a family owned business).

I'm thinking, surely you can use the dirty washing up water to rinse out some cans? And what's there to complain about the Co-op? The family wanted to sell up so they could retire, I'm sure they got a lot of money for the business and the Co-op are some of the best employers, most ethical and green retailers and you get a dividend everytime you shop so get money back for belonging.

But they were talking about prices going up by a few pence on things, and how its a struggle to make ends meet - so who am I to say they're wrong. I don't have to worry about every penny in that way. I got the impression that they are so used to fending for themselves that anything external - like the council insisting they recycle or big business taking over Shirley's shop feels hostile.

The travellers issue is really interesting - here's a quote from the parish newsletter: "We have travellers in the woods again. the last time they were here they stayed almost 6 months. It is understood that they are not causing any problems themselves, but their dogs are certainly putting off visitors to the woods, who use this area for walks or to exercise their own animals. Efforts are being made through the courts to remove these travellers as has happened in the past. Anyone who wishes to complain about the situation are advised to write to ..."

As I read this, its saying - travellers are here, they're not causing trouble apart from some noisy dogs, but we're getting them evicted because... well, because we don't like them. And even though we can't find anything to complain about them here's the address to write to with your complaints.

Another example of that attitude is found further on in the magazine: "the subject of youths congregating on the car park late at night was discussed. We are extremely concerned at the ever increasing youth activity which sometimes culminates in disruptive behaviour, causing upset to neighbouring residents. we have therefore decided to ..."

Again, the facts seem to be that young people are congregating and occassionally being disruptive - its not like there are knifings, gang warfare or drugs. As the New Statesman put it the other week, we're demonising a generation.

Yet a report out today says our young people are among the most badly behaved in Europe, explaining that "in contrast to their European counterparts, they spend far more time with their peers than with adults where they miss out on the development of what are called "soft skills" - the social and personal development which is increasingly vital in a country built around service industry."

This disconnect between adults and young people is due to the changes in families, like divorce and single parenting, and the culture of young people in Britain has always been "hanging out with your mates".

But there aren't many people raising the issue of where the young people could go to hang out together thats safer and less disruptive to others - I'm no youth worker but it strikes me that they'd probably like to be hanging out with their mates doing something cool like skateboarding, making films, playing basketball or something.

But til we get the facilities in the village then they'll carry on hanging around somewhere - though not the carpark cos that's going to be closed and they're increasing CCTV coverage (another topical link!)

Personally I wasn't allowed to hang around on the street, I had to be somewhere with my friends to be allowed to hang out with them. I'd hope that Rhianna and Finnan would bring their mates home to ours, even if it meant having all the food in the house consumed like locusts had been through, so we could be involved in their lives and they'd be safer. But what do I know, I don't have teenagers....

It just struck me that I live in the same place as the people who wrote and said those things yet my experience of situations is totally different. Trying to connect with people by listening and attempting to be empathetic to their experiences is the only way I'd earn the right to put my different viewpoint across.

Boiling water in a new and exciting way!

2006-11-01T20:44:00.000Z

We're using our kettle loads at the moment as we have to boil water for Finnan's bottles, and our old kettle that we've had for going on 4 years has started to corrode - the spout is leaking and we can't get the lid off anymore! It's been in the back of mind to replace it but I wasn't doing anything active about it and stumbled upon an eco-kettle while surfing for something else.

It arrived on Monday, it's fantastic! Basically you fill the main compartment so its full, then you press a button to release the amount of water you need to boil into the boiling chamber - you don't boil more than you need and you don't have to keep going back and forward to the tap, plus its easy to see how much you've put in cos there are measures in cups and mugs. And its amazing how quick it boils (obvious when you think of it cos you're only boiling small amounts!

So far I'd give it 9/10 (the mug measures are a bit puny so we're having to adjust that!)

Just off to have a cuppa now....!

some great listening...

2006-10-31T22:03:00.000Z

R4 have come up trumps this week - I love listening to it when the kids are at nursery as I can give it my full attention rather than trying to read the Gruffalo at the same time!

Some highlights:

John Humphrey's talking to religious leaders in his search for God - Rowan Williams today, you can listen again here
Book of the Week "Dear Charlie - Letters to a Lost Daughter" By Reg Thompson - throat-catchingly moving, a father writes to his 13 daughter who was killed in a rail accident

Also enjoyed Start the Week with Kevin Spacey.

Ambient Wonder: Light and Darkness

2006-10-30T22:12:00.000Z

Last night's Ambient Wonder event went really well and all the people who'd planned and prepared the component parts worked hard to bring it together. Part of what I love about AW is the way it comes together - whoever is there at the planning meeting can shape it, we go away and work on our sections and activities, bring it together on the night and work as a team to get it flowing. So far its always worked seamlessly and last night was no exception.

The theme was light and darkness, picking up on the changing seasons and exploring darkness in order to better understand the Light. In some ways it was quite simple, in that it wasn't hugely multi-layered, but to me that simplicity increased the sense of space created to explore.

The evening started with thinking about what Autumn had meant to our Celtic ancestors - see here for some background info - then prompting us to think about our associations with dark evenings and the imminent onset of winter, and spiritual darkness.

We then plunged the hall into darkness (sounds very melodramatic and in reality it wasn't really 'plunged' but we were aiming for theatricality!) and spent about five minutes in complete darkness and silence. Then one by one we put on some ultrawhite (but not really bright in the context of the big hall) bike lights that broke the darkness up by providing a really different quality of light than we're used to. John and Ali had put together a guided meditation that we projected onto the wall, using some fantastic images from Jonny Baker's blog, with the soundtrack of a Debussy piece (not sure which - will check with Ali and put up the link later)

Because we need light to interact with others, look/read, make and write/draw, there were activity stations around the room to do just that. We talked with the person next to us about how we'd experienced the darkness and what impact it had had on our understanding of Jesus as Light of the World, God creating light, etc., then split up to write a psalm or draw a picture, make a lantern, and read and contemplate some quotes, images and bible passages on the theme. Even though my part of the preparation had been to find the quotes etc. and devise the activities, something about being in the experience meant they were fresh to me and I got so much out of them.

Coming back together, Ed led us in a liturgy, David and Bridget read aloud some bible passages and we then meditated again with images on the screen, listening to (again can't remember the track - I'll put it up later)

Some of the things I found moving / powerful:

the first light being switched on, literally piercing the darkness - it really brought home to me that even with the smallest amount of light its not truly dark: "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it"
The idea that in half light we see in monochrome, we don't see colours clearly. This resonated with where I'm at personally at the moment
that God can be manifested in darkness - this conjured up a sense of heaviness, engulfing, awesome (in the true sense of the word)
how making something simple for yourself is a pleasant thing to do and enables you to engage with profound stuff even without you really being aware of it
what an amazing priviledge it is to be around people who are willing to get stuck in and create spontaneously, sharing what they've created to enhance each others' experiences
I was left with the desire to be 'like a street lamp' - so that people would complain if I wasn't giving off light because it was useful to them, made them feel safe and showed them the way

Eventually Paul will do his website-magic and put the liturgy, meditation images, quotes/poems and some of the artwork up on the Ambient Wonder website so you can get a better feel for what it was like. The feedback we had on the night was really positive and we've asked that people who were there send us their thoughts, stories, critique and comments to feedback at ambientwonder dot org

Becuase we'll be holding AW events fortnightly in the new year, as St Augustine's evening service (sort-of), we're having a vision and planning meeting on Nov 12th for anyone interested to come along and contribute their ideas.

The next event will be on Dec 4th in the morning as we take over St Augustine's morning service and look at Advent - coming full circle 'cos the adventure started last year with our very first event marking the start of Advent. Its been a cool year....

Getting through October

2006-10-27T19:27:00.000Z

Thought I'd update on a personal front and catch up with some of the events of my life in October...

Still extrememly sleep deprived and have been as long as I can remember now!

My birthday has come and gone, I'm now in my 30s (which as someone pointed out means I'm not going to be 18-30 much longer which will excuse me from lots of events - hooray!!!!) Here are a few of the birthday cards that tickled me

So... up for a game of bulldog and a mini milk?

As they woke up on the beach the morning after the party wondering what they'd got up to the night before, they took comfort in the fact that they still had their hats on.

My fancy dress birthday party was fun for all who came - here's a selection of the photos!

Prince Charming, the Man from U.N.C.L.E. and Gladiator

My Calamity Jane with 2 of our pirates!

Cinderella, Purdey and our Bollywood heroine

And the prize for most effort - The Terminator, who had to be persuaded that supergluing the computer parts to his arm would mean time in casualty, such was his dedication to the cause!!

The venue for the party seemed like a good idea when I booked it, but turned out to be a bit of a nightmare (more on that in another post when I can be bothered!)

Our holiday in Centerparcs was really great, relaxing and so geared up for families that everything was easy going, fun and it was lovely to be in amonst nature all week....

... or should that be them in amongst us!!

Now busy preparing for the next Ambient Wonder event at St Augustine's - this Sunday 29th Oct at 730pm

Finnan starts nursery next week so have been getting him settled into the Daisy Room - he's been fine so I'm confident he'll cope well, and I'm really looking forward to getting back to work. I have a few clients lined up so will get started with them but will also try to ease myself in a bit gently due to my levels of exhaustion!

It's been a busy month!

Cycling

2006-10-21T09:20:00.000Z

I was so excited to read Helen's post about starting cycling because it sums up everything I've been thinking over the past few weeks (since reading the green guide that came free with the Guardian recently). Since moving out into the sticks I use my car so much, I really hate it! When I measured my carbon footprint it was the car use that screwed it up completely, so I know I need to change that but cycling is a scary option for me!

I'm absolutely terrified about riding a bike cos I've never been any good at it, I'm really unfit and so when you need a turn of speed to get out of a tricky situation I haven't got it so end up wobbling all over the place, I have no idea how to fix a bike if something goes wrong and my knowledge of cycling proficiency is useless!

However to make a start on moving towards (how many caviats!!) riding a bike I went to the Norfolk County Council website to find out if they run Adult cycling proficiency courses (not yet but it says they're planning to) and sent of for a Cycling Handbook - how to ride safely, how to look after your bike etc. free from the Royal Society for the Provention of Accidents.

The problem for me is that I won't get a chance to practice without having very small kids attached in some way, which makes me even more nervous. However I'm planning to start going swimming regularly and possibly the gym to get my fitness up (I could get on the exercise bikes at the gym for some practice I guess) and then my plan is to cycle across country, along bridleways for example, to build up my confidence away from traffic. (this is linked to my plan for Rhianna to go to the school in the next village, which I'll end up driving to - albeit hopefully lift sharing with my neighbour - and making my carbon footprint worse unless I get my butt into gear on this cycling stuff! I thought I'd put on my application for a place at the school that I plan to make it "carbon-neutral" - that should go down well at County Hall!!)

So wish me luck - and chase me up if you don't hear anything mkore on the subject, I think I'm going to need chivvying on this one!!

making choices and prayer

2006-10-10T20:20:00.000Z

I'm very aware at the moment that I see "through a glass, darkly", or as the NLT puts it "All that I know now is partial and incomplete" - I'm perceiving the world around me through my own preconceptions, biases, preferences etc. that mean I see only a very small part of the earthly and heavenly "truth" of my situations.

So here's the thing - how do I pray about choices I have to make? Take for example the issue of choosing a school for Rhianna to go to next year. My gut instinct is that the local school is not ideal for her or what we want for her - it has had bad ofsted inspections in the recent past but has passed now, but more pertinently as far as I'm concerned it has a reputation of not really looking after children individually (for example not updating their reading books, not communicating well with parents). Its a big school and my hunch is that individuals can get lost in it. The school in the next village along from us is small and prides itself on having a family ethos where the children are nurtured and known as individuals. It has good results but not outstanding. But my gut istinct is that Rhianna would thrive in that kind of school.

Its actually pretty unlikely that we will get a place for Rhianna at our preferred school due to a number of factors that I won't go into - unless we appeal after she's been allocated a place elsewhere or once she's started the other school if she's unhappy. I'm willing to go down that route if we feel strongly, but I'm questioning my perception and therefore the legitimacy of my preference - is it just that I went to a small family ethos school and really liked it? am I being snobby? she'll probably turn out ok wherever we get a place because we read with her, show interest and invest in her activities etc. so am I being arrogant to assert this preference? Also, who am I to say whats best for her in the long run - she might meet a friend for life at our village school even if her experience of school isn't as good as it might be in a different place.... aaaaaaagh! its doing my head in!!

I have no idea what to pray other than "Your will be done" which I'm praying fervently - but how should I act? should we pursue the place at our preferred school, how far should we take it? I'm left with a deep sense of inadequacy (which is probably the reality of parenthood apart from anything else!) I can see so many possibilities and so many perspectives I'm feeling that I can't see the wood from the trees!

And in reality this is just one issue that highlights that we can't be certain of things, so my issue is not about choosing a school but about how do we sensibly take a spiritual approach to making choices?